


Drabble - Everything Is Fine and Everyone Is Trans Modern au

by ReLessThan1



Category: Naruto
Genre: I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-01-18 04:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReLessThan1/pseuds/ReLessThan1
Summary: My girlfriend managed to get me back into Naruto and this is a collection of our random musings.





	1. Dinner With an Old Acquaintance

Momochi Zabuza thought he had seen the last of a certain Hatake Kakashi, but there he was, standing on his doorstep amid Haku's little brat friends.

The last (and only) time Zabuza saw Kakashi was when they met in a random bar and then fucked in the janitor's closet. He doesn't really remember the specifics, just that it wasn't particularly good sex. It wasn't bad, either, but he knows he was only doing it to harm himself. Probably because he was dissociating the whole time (and that it was in a nasty ass closet what the fuck), as he hadn't even come out as trans yet and having his breasts touched was not a good feeling.

So of course, the only logical conclusion is to excuse himself to the bathroom until Kakashi leaves, right? But he's already stepped over the threshold and is reaching out his hand, "Momochi Zabuza, right? My little karate kids have told me all about how great Haku's dad is. I'm Kakashi. Hatake Kakashi."

Zabuza nods and shakes his hand firmly, the revelation dawning on him that Kakashi doesn't recognize him one bit. And also that the years have been very kind to Kakashi, and, wow, he's really really gay.

Fuck. At least Haku is here to be a gracious host, as he leads his friends to the table, giving Zabuza a brief and smug side-eye look, who rolls his eyes in response.

Zabuza sits at the head of the dining room table, across from Kakashi at the foot. Haku is on his right, and the four kids take their usual seats, the yellow haired kid between red and pink, duck-butt head next to Haku.

On this chilly fall evening, Haku has made one of his favorites, miso wonton soup and red bean buns and Zabuza has to admit that it's one of his favorites too. Mostly because Haku was involved, soup really isn't his thing, but he'll do anything to make the kid happy.

Amid the sounds of four twelve year olds eating their soup messily, Kakashi glances at Zabuza, "So, what does the Great Haku's Dad do?"

"Oh, I'm an employee at the Konoha construction firm. Spend most of my days doing hard labor, but I like it that way," there's a pause as he tries to remember what Kakashi does, then a hastily added, "How 'bout you?"

"I'm Haku's Algebra II teacher on weekdays and an MMA teacher on weekends, mostly working with the kiddos," he reaches out and ruffles Sasuke's hair, who sends him a murderous glare.

"The next time you touch my hair I will not hesitate to knock your lights out, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi chuckles, "Sure you will, orange belt. You might want to try sparring someone your own age, first."

Naruto with his mouth full of red bean bun, "Oh, man, sauce, he got you good!"

Sasuke crosses his arms and sulks a little. Jeez, what an edgelord. Zabuza couldn't possibly have been that much of a brat when he was a kid, right? (He totally was.)

Haku realizes that everyone is done with their plate and stands up to clear the table, but Zabuza stops him, "S'ok, kid, I got this. Go watch a movie with your friends or something." A grin splits across Haku's face as he herds them towards the TV in the other room, and now Zabuza is alone with Kakashi.

He tries to ignore this and starts to stack the dishes up by the sink, Kakashi leaning on the counter. Zabuza is getting tenser by the second, white knuckles around the scrubbing brush, so he sets down the plate he's holding. Usually, people talking sets off his nerves, but the silence from Kakashi is making him want to fucking implode.

"No, please, don't let me stop you," Kakashi smirks, and that goddamn expression opens the floodgates, "Unless you've got something to say?"

Zabuza's mind is running a mile a minute, trying to figure out if Kakashi actually *does* recognize him after all, if he's flirting or just being an ass, if he should even out himself when he's been stealth for so long and god, the only person he can trust is his little shit, Haku.

Too bad testosterone makes everyone a thirsty shitbag. He thought he could control his urges, but is Kakashi even more attractive than the first time he scoped him out at the bar six years ago?

Thank god Haku and his friends are in the other room, because Zabuza makes no guarantees that he wouldn't do something stupid if they weren't in the house.

"Nah," Zabuza muses, finally answering the question, "You just look like someone I knew once."

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing. Did you ever happen have a sister?"

"Oh, yeah, she died a few years ago, though," Zabuza is trying very hard to put the right emotion into this, and sighs for good measure.

Kakashi is either a more convincing faker, or actually believes him, because his joyful expression falters, probably remembering the spare details of the risky sex he had with Zabuza's "sister". He nods in understanding and doesn't say anything for a while. Zabuza decides that the dishes *have* to get done, so he takes care to not grasp anything too firmly in his callused hands.

The kitchen is silent until the last dish is dried and put away, then Kakashi tips his head back, arms crossed against his chest, "You know, maybe the second time I see you I won't have the little punks along with me."

"Second?"

Kakashi pushes off from the counter and stands up straight, cocking an eyebrow, "Unless I've been reading you wrong, I thought you would've wanted to see me again."

"You sure are a confident bastard, aren't you?"

"Am I wrong?"

"Tou-fucking-che." God, Zabuza wants to kiss that smug look off of his face. He's in so goddamn deep, just kill him and save him the misery of actually dealing with his feelings for someone.

* * *

Haku waves his goodbyes and see-you-laters to his friends and gently shuts the front door. He turns around with a curious expression on his face, "I didn't know you had a sister, Zabuza-san! I'm sorry about what happened..."

Zabuza shakes his head, "No, kid, I never had a sister. What did I tell you about eavesdropping?"

Haku purses his lips and looks away, muttering, "You weren't exactly being quiet, either."

Zabuza sighs. The more this kid knows about his life, the more nosy he gets. As much as he'd rather forget what happened, it's very hard to lie to such a nice kid, especially one that's a black hole when it comes to keeping secrets.

"I had a...thing. With Kakashi. Back when I was still, um," he makes an hourglass figure with his hands, "So I think he recognized me, at least a little bit. I'd like to not think about it again, or see him again, ever."

Haku's brow furrows, but there's barely a wrinkle on his porcelain face, "Ah. I'm sorry that I made this awkward for you, Zabuza-san, but are you sure you mean what you say?"

"What are you insinuating, brat?"

"That maybe you enjoyed yourself a little bit. Don't think I didn't see the way you were looking at him!"

"Fuck. That obvious?"

"I doubt a child would've missed it. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think you deserve something nice. Why not pursue him?"

Zabuza mulls this over for a moment, then grabs his car keys and wallet and throws on his denim jacket. Haku grins, "How do you think you're going to see him if you don't know where he lives?"

"Shit, kid, you're right. What the hell am I thinking?!"

"Good question. Lucky for you I know Kakashi-sensei's address."

"You fuckin' with me?"

"I'm being 100% honest with you. He lives in Naruto's neighborhood. The white ranch with blue shutters."

"You're a lifesaver, kid," Zabuza pulls Haku into a hug and kisses him on the top of the head before he can even realize what he's doing. Haku giggles and cuddles into his chest, then pulls away and nods his head towards the door.

Zabuza shoves his hands in his pockets, "You gonna be okay on your own here for a little?"

"I've been on my own before, so I don't see why not!"

"Right, well, see you later, then," he says as he walks outside and climbs into his beat-up old blue pickup.

Haku waves from the porch, "Good luck!"

Zabuza salutes him and backs out of the driveway, wondering what the hell his life has come to that he's pulling some crazy shit like this.


	2. Chapter Porn - I Mean Two

Zabuza sits in his car, idling on the street outside of what he's sure is Kakashi's house. He can't believe he's doing this, what the fuck is he even going to say?

He shakes his head and gets out of the car, his nerves perhaps making him slam the door too hard. At the front door, he wipes hands on his sweatpants, but it swings open before he can knock. Kakashi raises an eyebrow, "I didn't think the second time we'd meet would be so soon. What's got you coming out this way so late on a Saturday?"

Zabuza bites his cheek, a bad habit of his, and shifts his weight awkwardly, "Funny thing, this isn't actually the second time you're seeing me."

Kakashi's eyes widen, not in a surprised way, more of a tell-me-more way, and he steps aside, gesturing for Zabuza to take a seat on the couch. His house has an odd style to it. Zabuza wouldn't call it dirty or cluttered, but there sure are a lot of knick knacks placed strategically on every flat surface.

Kakashi sits down in the chair opposite Zabuza, "So you say we've met before?"

Zabuza laughs awkwardly, "Yeah, um, I am my sister? Er, I don't have a sister, really, but I, shit, we fucked at the bar six years ago and I kind of still think you're hot."

Whoops. That last part was not part of the plan. What was the plan, even? What did Zabuza expect to come of this? Stupid, really, Kakashi might not even like men, let alone like him, he probably shouldn't have even come.

Kakashi bites his lip trying to hold back a smile, "Oh?"

"Never mind, forget I said anything, I should probably just go-" Zabuza stands up to leave, but Kakashi also gets up and places a hand on his chest.

"It's okay. You, well, you look good. Happy, even."

Kakashi looks up into the taller man's eyes, reassuring, but all Zabuza can think is, 'Oh, fuck, his hands are on me,' as he feels his heart racing and his groin getting heavy.

Against his better judgment, (or maybe because of it) Zabuza takes Kakashi's face in his work-hardened hands and kisses him with all of the emotion he can muster. To his delight and utter surprise, Kakashi is more than happy to be kissing him, and Kakashi reaches up and knots his fingers in his hair.

Kakashi's lips taste like cinnamon gum, and Zabuza mentally kicks himself for not brushing his teeth before leaving the house, although Kakashi doesn't seem to mind tasting Haku's cooking again. They briefly pull apart and share a look. Zabuza assumes he only looks more desperate than Kakashi does, as Kakashi leads him down the hall to a sparsely decorated bedroom with hundreds of books bowing the shelves of an old bookcase in the far corner.

Kakashi pulls Zabuza back down to kiss him, then Zabuza carries him to the bed. As they kiss each other breathless, Kakashi brings a knee up between Zabuza's thighs, and Zabuza sighs into his mouth and grinds down on him.

Zabuza feels himself getting wetter by the second, his clit already straining on his briefs, so he breaks off the kiss. He sits up on his ankles and whips his shirt off, revealing his cheap top job and hyperpigmented scars. 'Hey, it's better than tits,' he thinks to himself. Then, he reaches for the bottom of Kakashi's shirt, but he's already got the message, and his shirt joins Zabuza's on the floor.

They take a moment each to look the other over, chests heaving, breath coming quickly.

Kakashi is deceptively skinny in his clothes, but underneath, he's toned and agile. He has a dancer's build. Zabuza, on the other hand, looks just as beefy as he does in his clothes, and Kakashi looks like he realizes he needs to get his pants off, like, yesterday. He curses himself out and fumbles around with his belt before flinging it to the floor along with his pants.

Zabuza bites his lip and traces his hand down Kakashi's chest to the hem of his boxers, where he gently palms Kakashi's dick from over the cloth. It's pretty sizable, as Zabuza remembers it being, and he can't help but feel a little inferior, but the look on Kakashi's face has Zabuza's cock twitching and yearning to be touched. He tries to take off his sweatpants without taking away his hand, but it isn't quite working, so he resigns himself to using both hands.

"Fuck, man, before I do this I wanna warn you this might not be what you're expecting," Zabuza grimaces, the fear over being rejected keeping his pants on, but barely.

"What, you got tentacles or some shit?" Kakashi snorts, absentmindedly stroking himself over his boxers.

Oh fuck. That's hot. Not the tentacle part, though, what kind of perv do you think Zabuza is?

Zabuza laughs awkwardly and allows his sweatpants and briefs to fall around his knees before kicking them off. He kneels over Kakashi in silence, feeling judged, as Kakashi tries to hide his surprise.

"That definitely wasn't there the last time I saw you naked," Kakashi smirks and grabs Zabuza by the ass, pulling him close enough to kiss. He wraps his arms around Zabuza's neck as Zabuza wrestles off Kakashi's boxers.

Despite his clit clamoring for attention, Zabuza breaks the kiss, bends down, and takes Kakashi's cock in his mouth, his left hand snaking under Kakashi's ass, but not before taking a pass over his own dripping cunt. He gently brushes his wet fingers up against Kakashi's asshole and then slides one in. Kakashi arches his back and grabs Zabuza's hair in his fists.

"Oh fuck, Zab, y- mm- you're so good," Kakashi moans and thrusts up into Zabuza's mouth, which is his cue to take his mouth off and start teasing him instead, the finger of his left hand sliding in and out ever slowly, his right hand touching just about everything except where Kakashi wants it most, reducing him to a puddle of half-formed pleas. Zabuza smirks at just how quickly he brought Kakashi down to this level and bites his lip, cause god, he himself can barely think about anything but how much he wants to be all over Kakashi right now.

So, because he has slightly more control over himself at the moment than Kakashi does, he manages to tear himself away long enough to rifle through his wallet for a ribbed condom and tosses it at Kakashi, "I swear to god if you get me knocked up I'll make you pay, got it?"

Kakashi shakes his head to clear it of some of the sexual fog, "Whadya mean? You're a dude, right? Shouldn't that have, i'unno, stopped?"

Zabuza rolls his eyes. He did not want to be teaching FtM 101 right now. Or ever, for that matter, "Just put the goddamn condom on, you bastard."

"I was going to anyways, I'm just confused," Kakashi shrugs as he tears open the foil. He pinches the tip of the condom and rolls it down over his cock like he's done it a thousand times before, and he lets out a small moan at the contact. This makes Zabuza's dick twitch and he becomes embarrassingly aware of his cunt dripping between his legs.

Kakashi and Zabuza share a look full of desperate yearning and then Zabuza straddles Kakashi, sitting on him in such a way that his three-inch swollen clit is flush with Kakashi's cock.

Then, Zabuza grinds his hips down, his clit and vulva feeling the details of each rib and he lets out such a moan that one could almost swear he came. He hasn't yet, though, and he practically lies down on top of Kakashi as he grinds on him, face buried in his chest, their hands twined together.

Kakashi places his free hand under Zabuza's chin and lifts his head up for a kiss. It's long and sustained, and when Kakashi wraps his hand around both of their dicks, Zabuza moans into it.

Zabuza feels his brain starting to get foggy and he presses his forehead against Kakashi's as he thrusts his hips faster and more desperately, "Ka- fuck, man- mmh, I'm so f-fucking close~"

"Yeah? Mm, you gonna c-cum for me?" Kakashi tightens his grip on their cocks.

Well, that just about does it for Zabuza, "Shit yes, oh, ohhhhh~" his voice drops an octave. His vision goes white, his clittycock twitches in Kakashi's hand, and he's almost certain that he squirted for the first time in years. Which, in his opinion, is somewhat mortifying, but not the top of his priorities right now.

No, what he's most focused on is watching Kakashi get himself off. He flops off to the side and Kakashi gives Zabuza a sultry look that lets him know Kakashi is more than aware that he's being watched.

Kakashi cautiously removes the condom and tosses it in the nearby trash before taking his dick in hand and Zabuza appreciates the opportunity to ogle, placing his sun-darkened hand on Kakashi's pale chest.

Kakashi is straight-up pornographic when he jacks off, head tilted back, mouth agape with his tongue lolling out, hips thrusting up into his hand, and moaning like he wants the whole goddamn neighborhood to know he's getting some. If Zabuza didn't have a fucking refractory period, he'd be rubbing his clit raw by now.

It doesn't take Kakashi long to tip himself over the edge and Zabuza is watching with rapt attention as he shivers and cums on his own chest and stomach, his voice strangled and his eyes rolling back in his head. Zabuza thinks to himself that he's never seen anyone more beautiful in all his life, so he gently kisses the still-dazed Kakashi right on the lips.

They stay like that for a few minutes, pressed together and exchanging kisses every so often as they come down from their sexual highs. Zabuza slowly realizes that his inner thighs are plastered together with his own cum and wrinkles his nose in disgust, "Sorry 'bout your sheets, man. Fuck, I should really go shower or something."

"Mmm, it's no big deal, you can borrow mine if you want," Kakashi wrests himself out from under Zabuza and stretches his arms, "I'll go get you one of my towels," he swings his legs over the side of the bed and pads away to retrieve one from the hall closet.

Zabuza flops spread-eagle onto his back and closes his eyes for a little bit before he realizes that he should probably get home to Haku soon. He groans and rolls to the edge of the bed to pilfer through his sweatpants pockets for his phone.

He opens up the messages app and texts Haku:

Z: sup? u holdin up okay? house still standing?

The reply is nearly immediate:

H: im doing great! I think the more important question is how you are, though! did you complete your mission?

Z: oh man consider that shit done 100x over you were so right kid

H: :DDDDD im happy for you! when should I expect you home?

Z: thats a good question. think ill be leaving in 30 most likely

H: see you then!

Zabuza smiles, god his kid is so cute. When he looks up from his phone, Kakashi is standing in the bedroom door with a towel around his waist and another in his hand. He appears to have at least wiped his chest off and he tosses the second towel at Zabuza.

Zabuza forces himself out of Kakashi's surprisingly soft bed, drapes the towel over his shoulders, and retrieves his clothes from the floor. When he straightens back up, he's aware that Kakashi was watching him.

"What're you looking at me like that for?"

Kakashi sighs and looks up at the ceiling, "I'm wondering if this- if us- is going to be a thing, or if you just wanted to put another notch in your bedpost."

Zabuza rolls his eyes so hard it kind of hurts, "Yeah, I totally had sex with you just to say I did. What kind of manwhore do you take me for? I haven't had sex in years, not since Haku's been around!"

He takes a deep breath, "If you want us to be a thing, I think I'd like that. I probably need someone to be around that isn't Haku, no offense to the brat."

Kakashi nods, "Cool. Shower's at the end of the hall, knock yourself out, just don't use all my hot water. The heater is a piece of shit and needs to be replaced."

"Okay, thanks," Zabuza makes his way to the bathroom and sets his clothes down on the toilet, perhaps shutting the door a bit harder than he needed to. He looks in the mirror and realizes that his hair is sticking up in more places than usual, but otherwise that's the only indicator that anything happened around here. The next time he's going to give Kakashi a hickey for sure, he swears to himself.

He turns the water on and steps into the shower, not hesitating to wipe down his inner thighs, "Ugh, this is so fucking nasty."

Zabuza wastes no time lathering up and rinsing off, as he has perfected the art of three-minute showers. He shuts off the water, gets out, dries off, and gets dressed, noticing that his phone seems to be blowing up with notifications.

Upon further inspection, it's just some robocalls from the Red Cross. Those vampires really want Zabuza's blood, but since his first time was such a shitty experience, he just hasn't gone back. It's not like he could donate now, anyways, being a gay man and all, he's just too lazy to unsubscribe from the call list.

Zabuza walks back to the living room, where Kakashi is simultaneously reading a book and eating a bowl of cereal, towel still draped around his waist. He clears his throat, "So, I think I'm gonna head home now. Thanks for letting me use your shower."

Kakashi looks up from his book and reaches across the table for his phone, which he hands to Zabuza, "Oh, it's no problem. Here, put your number in."

Zabuza puts his number in and hands Kakashi his phone back. There's an awkward silence and he shoves his hands in his pockets. He doesn't know what the etiquette is here, do they shake hands? Hug? Stand here contemplating life for the rest of eternity?

Thankfully, Zabuza's phone buzzes with a text from Haku, breaking the silence and reminding him (as if he'd ever forget!) that tonight was the night he planned on watching the Avatar marathon with Haku. Yes, really.

"Shit, Kakashi, I gotta get going. Um, see you around, I guess?"

Kakashi nods and goes back to reading his book, "Later."

 


	3. Snow White and the Seventh Sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My girlfriend helped me write this one, if it seems awkward, a lot of the lines are back and forth between the two of us. We were mostly just hashing out details, but I think the background info is important.

 

 

 

Momochi Zabuza is 23 and still living in Kiri, but he's moved out of his parents house and is living in a shitty apartment. He's saving up to move to Konoha and also for bottom surgery, just in case he decides he wants it, and he's a year out from top surgery.

It's snowing and he's walking back to his apartment after an emergency construction job because some pipes burst in the library and an entire wall had to be replaced. He nearly misses this small figure curled into itself under a store awning.

So he passes by this kid, but he thinks, 'Wait, what the fuck?' He doubles back and kneels in front of him, "Hey kid, you got a home?"

The kid just kinda blinks at him and he says, stupidly and inanely, "Where's your parents?"

Haku just kind of shrugs, his real parents are dead (victims of gang activity, just like Zabuza's Mom), but his foster parents basically abandoned him after dinner one night.

Zabuza looks around the street, "Do you have like...anywhere better to sleep? You're gonna freeze out here."

Haku shakes his head and is resigned to his fate, more or less. Zabuza takes off his parka and hands it to him, "Put this on," and right then is when Haku decides that he would literally die for this random dude he just met.

Zabuza is basically a furnace, most trans guys on T are, so Haku is very cozy in this oversized parka.

He shakes his head, wondering what the fuck even, he's barely an adult himself and surely isn't the best option for this kid, "My apartment is a couple blocks away. Think you can walk?"

"Yes," says the kid, a little too fast.

Haku stands up and scurries to keep up with Zabuza. Haku is maybe 4'6", he hasn't quite hit his next growth spurt, and Zabuza is 6'1"

Zabuza realizes he should probably call the cops or something or people are gonna see him walking around with this tiny, feminine-looking kid and get all kinds of horrible ideas, but also, he's trans, and not white, and the cops around here may or may not recognize him as one of the "Seven Swordsmen". He even has a shitty sword stick and poke on his bicep to prove it.

They reach his building and go up the stairs to his third floor walk up. As he's searching his pockets for his keys, one of his neighbors is leaving their apartment. He has a bit of a heart attack, but then he realizes it's just Kisame, who knows Zabuza and isn't likely to jump to scary illegal conclusions.

Kisame's eyebrows nearly jump off his forehead, "Oh my god, where did you find this tiny child?"

"The sidewalk next to Gino's deli."

"Sometimes there's stuff in the trash cans." It's the most words the kid's said this whole time. There's some color back in his face and he isn't shivering so violently anymore.

Kisame gives Zabuza a look like, "Oh jeez this kid," and Zabuza is just thinking, 'Holy shit.'

"How long has it been since you've eaten like...real, non-garbage food?"

Haku thinks about it for a few seconds, then states matter-of-factly, "About a week."

Kisame looks like he just got punched in the stomach and Zabuza curses under his breath, "Fuck. We gotta get some actual food in you and make sure you're not dying of anything and- kid, what's your name even?"

"Yuki Haku" He's sort of leaning against the wall now, cause there's a radiator there.

Kisame and Zabuza share another look. There are two major gangs in kiri, albeit many smaller ones. Some are social, some are familial. The yuki clan is- was- a familial gang, but Zabuza swore it was wiped out by the Hunters years ago (the first major one, with the swordsmen being the second).

Kisame looks like he wants to say something but Zabuza shoots him a look.

"Alright, kid. Haku. I'm not gonna make you do anything but. My couch is open, if you wanna sleep inside tonight."

Haku is so pleased and has, for lack of a better term, imprinted on Zabuza. Since he's such an affectionate kid, he gives Zabuza a big hug.

Zabuza pats his head awkwardly, "Just know that if you steal anything or try to break any of my shit I'll know about it."

Zabuza finds his keys and opens the door to his apartment, which smells of cigarette smoke. To be fair, he's not the first tenant to stink up the joint, it's just small and cluttered. One bedroom, one bathroom, and a kitchenette/dining room/living room combo.

Haku's looking around with this unreadable expression and Zabuza reassures him, "...Window's unlocked and all." (that's how he would get out of his parent's place - the fire escape).

Haku, for his part, is waiting for the other shoe to drop

Zabuza realizes that Haku is literally a child, though, and moves all of his booze to Kisame's place, immediately.

Kisame is dying because there's a cute, tiny, sad kid how can Zabuza even stand it? Zabuza's being, yknow, himself, all impassive and stoic, and Kisame's having an attack of feelings because this poor damn kid!

They both think Haku is a boy (and they'd be right) and Haku doesn't bother to correct them until he gets his period, where Zabuza tells him, "Shit, kid, you should've warned me I'd have to clean blood off of my shit, I'd have bought lemon juice."

Zabuza makes chicken noodle soup for dinner and sits down across the table from Haku and they just slurp their noodles in silence for a while before Zabuza says, "So, it's Friday."

"Yes," says Haku (he has no idea, all the days are the same to him now).

"Means I don't have work tomorrow. In fact, I don't have work for a while cause it's winter now. I got my pay, what do you say we get you your own coat and shit?"

"...Why?"

"You don't think I'm just letting you stay here tonight, do you?"

"...What...what do you want, though?" He's flattened against the back of the chair, ready to get up and run if he has to. People aren't this *nice*. He doesn't deserve someone being this nice. Not without exchanging something for it.

"What do you mean? You would've frozen to death out there!"

"Who cares? I wouldn't've been the first." He's watching Zabuza from underneath long, dirty hair. "I appreciate everything you've done for me tonight, I do, but please just tell me what you want me to do in exchange for it."

"Uh, I guess just don't cause trouble? And take a goddamn shower. Please."

Haku doesn't say his immediate thought (which is "like hell am I taking off any clothes in here, how stupid do you think I am") and just sits there for a moment, watching, hands clenched in fists. "I...can be...useful..." he says after a bit. "If you need me to be."

"I'm gonna have to say thanks, but no thanks. You're a kid, you should be doing whatever it is that kids do."

"I wouldn't know what that really is." He risks dropping his eyes for moment to blink back tears. "Please let me do something to pay you back for all this. Because whatever it is you want, I'd rather not have it taken from me by force." He looks back up, eyes blank and dark. "Or just turn me back out on the street again."

Zabuza is taken aback by how clearly abused this kid is, "You seem like a smart kid. I want you to go to school, especially if you haven't been already."

Hope flares painfully in his heart. "I would like to also. But I don't...know how feasible that is. I clearly don't have a stable living situation." He laughs, short and mirthless.

"You can... If you're interested."

"You mean, you'd let me *stay*?" His voice goes up like an octave and a half, incredulous.

"Yes? I thought I made it obvious... but yeah you can totally stay here as long as you don't like, I dunno, trash the place."

"...do...do I have your assurance that...that you won't do anything to me while I'm here?"

"I swear, I won't lay a hand on you."

Haku hopes the tears running down his face aren't obvious. "Okay."

 


	4. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My girlfriend basically wrote this entire chapter, I just set her up with the first couple of paragraphs as a prompt.

Momochi Zabuza is 26 and somehow ended up being the single foster-turned-adoptive parent of this 15 year old kid about 3 years ago. The foster system didn't care much what happened and seemed to be glad to be rid of him, as he kept getting kicked out of homes and causing trouble by becoming "too attached" to his foster siblings, to the point that he would do anything they told him. Zabuza ran into the poor thing walking home from his last construction project of the season, huddled up on the side of the road in the middle of a snowstorm. the orphanage couldn't get him to sign the papers quick enough.

At first, no one suspects Haku is trans because he's very effeminate. Of course, he's also one of those lucky trans guys that has barely-there periods and small breasts, but it's because of the malnutrition he suffered as a child.

When Haku finally comes out to Zabuza, he's prepared to be kicked out of another home, especially with how explosively he reacted.

Zabuza furrows his brow, "Excuse me, what?" so surprised that it comes out way louder than he meant it to, and almost instantly Haku flattens back against the wall, looking like if Zabuza gets any closer he's gonna either punch him, run the fuck away, or just start crying.

(Zabuza doesn't realize at the moment but that's when the "protect this" switch fully trips in his head)

"Oh, hell. Look, kid-"

"Sorry. I'm sorry, I'll leave if you want, I can take care of myself-"

"Shut u-shush. Sh. Let me just...explain something to you."

Haku now has a wild, trapped-animal look in his eyes which Zabuza is deeply familiar with, and he realizes that this kid could like, shank him and run for it if he says the wrong thing, so he ignores all the instincts yelling at him to NOT and...

"I'm trans."

"...uh"

"I can like...show you the scars from the top job if you don't believe me." (god he is so far out of his depth)

"No, I believe you, you're just...huge"

"Years of T shots and manual labor. Look, kid. Haku. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not gonna kick you out. And I swear on my mother's damn grave that I won't tell anyone."

"You'll...you'll let me stay?"

"Yeah, that's what I just- yeah. Yeah. I promise."

"O-okay"

Haku looks like he's going to start openly sobbing, but he doesn't. A tear still escapes and runs down his cheek. Zabuza realizes something in him wants to reach out and wipe it away. Haku would still probably not do well with him moving too suddenly, so he just kind of stands there with his hands in his pockets, feeling vaguely terrified.

"Thank you" It's almost a whisper.

"Yeah, uh. Don't mention it. D'you have homework?"

"Oh, yes!" and Haku snaps back to his ordinary cheerful self almost instantly, except his eyes are all red.

Zabuza still doesn't know what to say, so as the kid goes to walk past him, he reaches out, slow, telegraphing it, and puts his hand on Haku's shoulder.

He freezes and Zabuza thinks he's fucked up terribly, but then Haku reaches up and places his small, pale hand on the back of Zabuza's big rough one, very gently. The moment hangs in the air for a few heartbeats, then Haku drops his hand, shrugs off the contact, and scampers off to get his bookbag.

It is at this moment that Momochi Zabuza realizes that he is well and truly screwed.

 


	5. Happy Half-Birthday, Haku!

Yuki Haku is twelve-and-a-half and starting to get used to Zabuza's driving. Starting to. It's fast and erratic and nobody should be able to get a pickup truck to move like that.

Haku's been sleeping on Zabuza's couch for about six months now and things seem to be kind of okay. He's being fed, sheltered, and clothed. Zabuza already quit smoking and hasn't requested anything of him other than "Don't fuck with my stuff" and "Get an education". As it is July now, they agreed Haku would enroll in remedial seventh grade this coming fall.

Unfortunately, things seem less than okay at the moment, as Zabuza is driving him back to the agency that placed him in so many unfit foster homes. Haku's palms are sweaty and he wipes them off on his shorts. Is Zabuza finally sick of him? His hands grip the steering wheel tightly and he keeps glancing over at Haku in the front passenger seat. Maybe Haku is too much of a financial burden.

They pull into the parking lot and Zabuza throws the car into park before it's had a chance to fully stop. He leaps out of the car and walks around the front to open Haku's door, "Get out, kid, what are you waiting for? We have a lot to get done today!"

"So this is it then," Haku is too busy wallowing in his own fears that he missed that Zabuza said " _We_  have a lot to get done today."

"The hell are you talking about? We're just here to fill out some paperwork, let's get moving," he scoops Haku out of the car with one arm and closes the door with the other. The locks click.

Haku is past listening at this point. In his mind this moment belongs in a Top 10 Anime Betrayals playlist and he's never speaking to Zabuza again, so he lets himself be carried in to the office of his case worker.

Zabuza sets Haku down in a chair and turns to face the case worker, who seems surprised to be seeing Haku in her office again, "Wouldn't you like to know where I found this little brat?" He places a hand on Haku's shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

"Not particularly, but I'm sure you're going to tell me. She's her foster family's responsibility, not mine."

Haku peers sadly up at Zabuza, who looks like he's about to blow a fucking gasket and he removes his hand so he doesn't hurt Haku's shoulder.

"He was living on the street in the middle of FUCKing JANUARY! He would've frozen to death, all because his foster 'family' abandoned HIM!"

The case worker blinks slowly, unamused by Zabuza's outburst, "Like I said, once  _she_  leaves here, she's not my responsibility anymore. This one has always been a problem child, I'm amazed anyone wanted to foster her in the first place. I bet she ran away."

Zabuza looks so frightening, his filed teeth are bared and his entire body is tense, muscles rolling under his tight t-shirt. Haku shrinks into the chair, glad to not be the target of his rage.

"It's been six motherfucking months! Aren't you supposed to keep tabs on the families you send the kids to? Don't you care?" The case worker shrugs and Zabuza snaps, taking out his wallet and slamming the $200 fee on her desk, "Just hand me the fucking paperwork and we'll leave you to your miserable life."

Wait, what? Is Haku hearing right? He immediately perks up, glancing between Zabuza and the case worker and he realizes that he is completely serious.

Zabuza looks back at Haku, "Oh, yeah, uh, surprise?" He offers a lopsided grin, then goes back to glaring at the case worker until she sorts out the documentation.

She slides a pen and a packet across the desk with post-it's where Zabuza needs to sign. The entire process takes about ten agonizing, silent minutes. Haku feels like he's going to implode with the waiting of it.

Finally, Zabuza hands the paperwork back to the case worker and she leaves to make copies, not really in a hurry.

Haku looks up at Zabuza, eyes gleaming with happiness and excitement, "D-dad?" Haku tries it out on his tongue. It's weird, but good.

Zabuza chuckles and ruffles Haku's hair, "Whatever you want, kid."

The case worker returns to her office and hands Zabuza the copy of the adoption paperwork, as well as Haku's birth certificate, SSN, and medical history.

Zabuza checks to make sure he has everything, sneers at the case worker, and picks Haku up out of the chair, "Let's fucking bounce, I've still got another surprise for you, brat."

Haku giggles and wraps his arms around Zabuza's neck, wondering if the next surprise could possibly top this one.

* * *

Zabuza looks at his watch as they pull into the Kiri diner's parking lot, "It's about 9, so in an hour the rush hour traffic should've died down. Make sure you use the bathroom while we're here, okay? I don't wanna make any unnecessary stops."

Haku tilts his head, looking at Zabuza inquisitively as they enter the diner, "Where are we going?"

"Ah, if I told you I might spoil the surprise!" He holds two fingers up for the hostess, and they're seated at a table by the window.

Haku squirms in his seat, "But I wanna know!" He pulls his best puppy-dog eyes.

"You're real cute, kid, but I'm not spillin'."

Haku fake-pouts, looking at Zabuza out of the corner of his eye to gauge his reaction, which seems to just be "mildly amused". There's no pulling one over on him.

"Trust me, you're totally gonna lose your shit when you see it."

Haku decides he can trust Zabuza and rolls his eyes.

A waitress comes over to take their order, "What'll it be, fellas?"

Zabuza smiles at Haku, his pointed teeth earning a look from the waitress, "You can order the fancy pancakes if you want, the ones with all the berries and shit."

Haku beams, then turns to the waitress, "I'll have the fancy pancakes, and a glass of orange juice, as well."

Zabuza nods, "I'll take a black coffee and a four egg farmer's omelet, with turkey sausage on the side."

The waitress takes their menus and Zabuza waggles his eyebrows at Haku, "So, son, how do you feel?"

Haku blushes, "Really happy, actually."

* * *

Zabuza's tires squeal as he pulls out of the diner's parking lot. He looks over at Haku sitting in the passenger seat, "This trip should take about an hour. Have you ever been outside of Kiri?"

Haku shakes his head, wondering where the heck Zabuza could be taking him that's so far away.

As they leave town, Haku watches the bays and marshes of Wave Country go by with rapt attention. Slowly, the landscape becomes more wooded, and Haku is seeing more trees than he's ever seen before. The vibrant green of their leaves makes Haku feel calm and he likes the way the morning sunlight filters through.

It seems like he's been watching the trees pass by for eternity, but Zabuza takes Exit 52 off the parkway and suddenly the view is a lot more residential. The houses here look old, but charming. Haku barely has a chance to question what they're doing here when Zabuza pulls abruptly into the driveway of a small, pale yellow, two-story house.

"Zabuza-san? Where are we?" Haku looks around, trying to find something recognizable.

Zabuza walks around the car and opens Haku's door, "Fire County, more specifically, Konoha, and," he jabs a thumb towards a "SOLD" sign near the house's mailbox, "Our new home."

Haku pushes past Zabuza, running onto the lawn, and spins in a circle, eyes trying desperately to take in all of his surroundings. He's feeling overwhelmed, so he closes them and lets the sunlight warm his face. It feels so good that he laughs, and then he begins to cry. He opens his eyes and bolts into Zabuza's arms, sobbing messily.

Zabuza gently pats his hair down, "Hey, kid, Haku, what's going on? You okay?"

Haku sniffles and accidentally-on-purpose wipes his nose on Zabuza's shirt, "Thank you so much, Zab... Dad."

"Oh, hey, it's no problem, but you haven't even looked inside yet! How do you know you'll like it?"

Haku pulls away and runs for the front door of the house, the old porch creaking under his feet as he bounces up and down on his toes, "Come on, Dad, hurry up and unlock the door so I can see!"

Zabuza casually walks over to Haku, smirking and taking his sweet-ass time, and he unlocks the front door agonizingly slowly. Haku is falling to pieces with excitement, and he nearly clips his elbow on the deadbolt rushing inside when Zabuza finally swings the door open.

It takes Haku's eyes some time to adjust to the dark interior of the house, but he immediately notices that there are already some sparse furnishings in the living room, which is to the left of the entrance. The floorboards are thick and appear to be painted a steel blue, which is a strange choice.

Haku walks through the living room and the doorframe on his right, which leads to the kitchen. The appliances are old, but they seem to be in working order. There's a half bathroom at the end of the kitchen towards the front of the house. Haku makes his way back towards the stairs.

Zabuza closes the door behind him as he enters the house, "I know it doesn't look like much now, but we'll make it our own. I can even get Kisame out here to help me paint your room, if you want."

 

"I...I have my own room?" Haku can't believe his ears and he races upstairs as fast as his little legs can carry him. The steps are a lot bigger than he expects them to be, at least a good ten inches tall. He notes that this height means that these stairs aren't up to code, but shrugs it off. Houses are expensive, and at this point he's grateful he's going to be living somewhere that isn't Zabuza's bachelor pad, no offense to him.

To his left, there are two bedrooms attached to a short hallway. The larger one has a full-size bed frame, but no mattress yet. There's not even any furniture in the room. At the end of the hallway, the smaller room has an antique nightstand, dresser, and twin-size mattress on a quaint wooden frame. Haku assumes that this will be his room and leaps onto the bare mattress.

It has been a long time since Haku slept in a bed that was his own. Sometimes, though, when he's sleeping on the couch and the nightmares come, Zabuza will share some space in his own bed. Haku feels safe around Zabuza-san, safe enough to muffle his parents' screams in the back of his head, at least for long enough to fall asleep again.

Lost in his thoughts, Haku is startled by the knock on his open door. Zabuza steps through the door, hands in his pockets, "You decide what color you want?"

Haku shakes his head and sits up, "No, I've been...thinking."

Zabuza eases himself down onto the mattress next to Haku, the frame creaking under his weight, "Yeah? What about?"

"My parents. I... I hope they're doing okay, wherever they are," he sniffles a little, blinking away tears, "I don't even really remember what they look like."

Zabuza gently places his hand on Haku's shoulder, "I'm sure they'd be very proud of you."

"A-are you proud of me, Zabuza-san?" Haku's brows are furrowed and he looks into Zabuza's eyes. In his mind, the worst thing would be disappointing Zabuza.

"I, uh, yeah. You've come a long way, kid."

Haku beams and snuggles closer to Zabuza. They stay quiet for a little bit before Haku pipes up, "So, when did you even buy this house?"

Zabuza laughs awkwardly, "Like a week ago, I had to act quick and get it cheap. It's a good thing I've been saving up my money all these years, otherwise I would've had to get a loan."

"Is this why you were 'working' so late the last few weeks?"

"Yup. I was looking all 'round Konoha for the cheapest two-bedroom I could find that was still in livable condition, so here we are."

Haku's eyes are practically glowing with excitement, "When do we move in?"

Zabuza mulls the question over for a little bit, "How does Friday sound? It's my last day on the job in Kiri."

"Good! But where will you work if you're not building things anymore?"

"Already talked it out with the boss. He was planning on sending some people over here anyways to help out with building the new park and shit. I'll just be a permanent addition to the Konoha team."

Haku nods. The two of them sit in silence for a little bit before he speaks up again, "I think I might want my room to be light pink, or maybe teal. I don't know, I like both colors equally." It feels weird to be asking for things and weirder still that these things will belong to him.

"Well, we could do pink walls and get you a teal quilt for your bed or something."

Zabuza seems to have something on his mind, he's chewing on his cheek, and Haku looks at him, concerned, "Is there something wrong?"

"That agency bitch called you 'she'. Is there something I should know about?"

Haku flinches away from Zabuza, spitting out his response quickly, "I guess technically I'm a girl but I really don't care how you refer to me and if it's easier for you to call me 'he' then I'm okay with that just don't hurt me I'm sorry I lied to you."

Zabuza reaches towards Haku to try to comfort him, but Haku pulls away, so he lets his arm fall. Haku watches him leave with frightened eyes, but he stops in the doorway, speaking out into the hall, "I'm not mad. I understand." He looks back over his shoulder, "We should head back. Isn't much to do around here today, 'cause all our shit's back in Kiri."

Haku scurries out of his room, too ashamed to glance back at Zabuza, and waits outside by the car, trembling slightly despite the heat of the noon sun.

* * *

Haku can faintly hear the sound of Zabuza's alarm going off and he sits up on the couch, yawning and rubbing his bloodshot eyes. He didn't sleep a wink last night because he was too overwhelmed thinking about today. Today. The day he moves to a new house.

The door to Zabuza's room swings open and a bleary-eyed Zabuza in a pit-stained tank top and old boxers shuffles out, making a beeline for his coffeemaker, "Sup, brat?" He nods in Haku's general direction.

"I couldn't sleep," Haku pushes the blanket off of himself and trots over to the counter.

Zabuza starts the coffee and the cheap machine sputters to life. He leans on his elbows to get on eye level with Haku, "You havin' nightmares again?"

"No, not last night. There's just a lot on my mind." He looks out the window into the dull gray of Kiri's night, so polluted with smog and neon lights that he can't see the stars. Zabuza insisted on setting his alarm for 3am, even though there's so little in his apartment to pack. Oh, well, better to be prepared.

Zabuza raises an eyebrow as the coffeemaker noisily spits out the last dregs of his morning brew. He pours the foul liquid into the only mug he owns, a plain thing with a broken handle held together by electrical tape, "Feel like telling me?"

"I don't deserve this. You've been so unremittingly kind to me and I've done nothing in return." Haku hangs his head in shame.

"Well, too fucking bad, kid," Zabuza takes a large sip of the scalding hot beverage, seemingly not bothered at all by the temperature, "I'm doing this for you anyways. For what it's worth, I think you 'deserve' it plenty."

Zabuza finishes his coffee and leaves the mug to soak in the sink, walking back towards his bedroom, "C'mon, get dressed. We've gotta pack up the trailer."

Haku gathers up the clothes he laid out the night before and rushes into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. All of the rest of his clothes are already packed in a 40-gallon trash bag that's leaning against the couch, just like Zabuza's. He quickly changes into a black t-shirt and skinny jeans, then meticulously brushes his long hair and pulls it up into a bun, leaving two locks out to frame his face.

He leaves the bathroom, stuffs his pajamas and blanket in the trash bag, and takes stock of the apartment. All of the furniture and kitchen supplies are in boxes except for the couch, Zabuza's mattress, and the coffeemaker. Haku makes himself useful and starts to pack up the coffeemaker in its box while Zabuza stuffs his dirty laundry and bedsheets into his own bag.

Zabuza straightens up and surveys their progress, nodding in approval, "Alright, time to wake up the muscle of this operation."

He leaves his apartment and raps on the adjacent door, "Rise and shine, you piece of shit stoner, we've got work to do."

Kisame answers the door in a ratty old bathrobe and glares down at Zabuza, "I've been awake the whole goddamn time and I'm sober, mind you. At least I don't need shitty bean juice to start my day."

Zabuza rolls his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, help me carry my shit out to the trailer, will you? And put some clothes on."

Kisame slams the door in Zabuza's face, but returns a minute later in a wifebeater and basketball shorts, "It's a good thing I like you."

They get to work carrying down the biggest things and loading them into the UHaul hitched to the back of Zabuza's pickup, starting with the couch. Haku brings the smaller boxes and bags of clothes and sets them on the curb to be put in later.

Once everything is packed up, Zabuza kneels down in front of Haku, "Make sure Kisame stays out of trouble, till I get back from work, okay?"

Haku giggles, "Sure, but why am I being babysat today? You've left me alone before."

"You really wanna spend the whole day alone in an empty apartment with no food?"

"Well, no, alright. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah."

"Promise?" Haku grabs Zabuza's shirtsleeve.

"Cross my heart," he pats Haku on the head, then grabs his toolbox from the back of his truck and heads off to work.

Kisame claps a hand on Haku's shoulder, "Alright, kid, we've got twelve hours to kill. Wanna make some brownies?"

* * *

Haku watches the clock on the wall in anticipation. Zabuza usually gets home from work at 5:30, and it's 5:45 already. Kisame is asleep on the couch after eating a few of the "special" brownies he made that he forbade Haku from eating. At least there's a pan of regular brownies that have been Haku's meals for the day.

Finally, there's a knock at Kisame's door and Haku leaps over the couch to open it. He hugs Zabuza and buries his face in his chest, "I missed you, Zabuza-san, all Kisame's done is sleep and make brownies that I can't eat!"

Zabuza picks Haku up and glares at Kisame, who is snoring on the couch, "Did he fucking feed you at all today?"

Haku wraps an arm around Zabuza's neck and gestures towards the half-empty pan of brownies on the counter, "Well, I'm allowed to eat those. Making them was fun, but we didn't do anything afterwards!"

"If I didn't know that Kisame has nothing healthy in his kitchen, I might consider raiding it to make you dinner. Let's fucking bounce, we can get food on the way."

* * *

The sun is just beginning to set when Zabuza and Haku pull into the driveway of their new house.

Zabuza cuts the engine and plods up to the front door, "I'm dead tired, kid. Think I'm just gonna pass the fuck out, you feel?"

Haku is bouncing all over, from either the sugar rush or the excitement, he can't tell, "No, not really. Let's start unpacking!"

Zabuza pushes the door open and sighs, "Okay, I can help you bring in one box. Choose wisely."

He walks back to the small trailer and lifts the gate. Haku pretends to contemplate it for a few seconds before responding cheerfully, "All of them!"

"I can't, kid. How about we just bring in our toothbrushes and shit? That seems pretty important." Zabuza fishes the correct box out of the trailer.

"But where are we going to sleep? My bed doesn't have sheets, and yours doesn't even have a mattress!"

"There are two chairs inside already, and we don't have sheets for you yet. We can sort that out tomorrow." Zabuza locks the trailer back up and brings the box inside, where Haku begins to unpack it, rushing around the house and stocking up the two bathrooms.

Zabuza collapses onto one of the chairs in the living room and is snoring within a few seconds. Haku breaks down the empty box and looks around the room, realizing that he probably can't open the trailer on his own, even if he manages to nab the keys. His sugar rush is turning into a sugar crash, anyways, so he nuzzles up under Zabuza's arm and falls asleep in his lap.

 


	6. Permanent

There is a fire roaring in Zabuza's fireplace, Kakashi is chilling under a blanket on his couch, and the TV hums with Jeopardy reruns in the background. This Saturday evening in November, it's Zabuza's turn to cook, so he's making breakfast for dinner. Eggs, the cheapest bacon in the store, and the kind of pancakes where the batter is in a jug are on the menu. He also knows that once Haku gets home from Neji's place he's going to want something sweet, so he quickly throws together a small fruit salad from the berries, apples, and grapes that are sitting around the kitchen.

Zabuza pokes his head through the doorframe, "Yo, 'Kashi, how do you want your eggs?"

"Scrambled. You got ketchup?"

"What kind of house would this be without ketchup?" Zabuza snorts and returns to the kitchen. He figures he should make himself scrambled eggs, too, just to make it easier.

After a few minutes, Zabuza carries out syrup, ketchup, and two heaping plates of delightfully cheap breakfast food and sets them on the coffee table, "I like eating out here, but if you get any food on the couch I might have to make you sit on the floor."

"I promise to eat even more sloppily than usual, then," Kakashi smirks as Zabuza rolls his eyes, sitting down next to him and pulling the blanket over his own legs.

The two of them spend some time in relative silence, too hungry to take a break from shoveling food into their mouths to chat. One of the guys on Jeopardy manages to find both daily doubles, but proceeds to answer both prompts incorrectly, anyway.

Kakashi is the first to break the silence as he leans back into the couch, finished with his meal, "So, I've been meaning to ask you, where'd you get your ink done?"

"Depends," Zabuza shrugs and pulls off his sweatshirt. He has two stick and pokes (Kubikiribōchō on his left bicep and the Kiri crest on his left shoulder) and two more professional pieces (a ram's skull with purple smoking eyes on his sternum and the seven legendary swords across his back), "If you wanna know about the big ones, I got them from a friend of a friend who isn't really a friend anymore."

"That sucks, I would've given them some business. How about the others?"

Zabuza points to his shoulder, "First stick and poke I ever gave myself. I did it with a sewing needle and ink from a black pen on my eighteenth birthday. Hurt like a motherfucker. It's kind of tradition in Kiri that if you survive on the street 'till then you can get these waves. People know not to fuck with you."

"And the sword? Is that so people know even more not to fuck with you?"

"Yeah, basically. I was twelve when I first started training under Ameyuri, who expected me to eventually join the second most powerful gang in Kiri. I was finally initiated into the reserves of The Seven Swordsmen at fifteen and," he flexes his bicep to accentuate the tattoo, "they gave me a box of tattoo needles and a bottle of ink a few weeks after my eighteenth. Told me the blood I earned in fights seemed to make me stronger, so I'd be taking over Kubikiribōchō from ol' 'Getsu."

Kakashi looks like he's torn between being intimidated and turned on, "Fucking hell. Do you still have the needles and ink lying around?"

"I have a vague memory of unpacking them after Haku and I moved here. Why?"

"I'm feeling young and stupid. Wanna permanently fuck up part of my skin?"

"Only if you're actually okay with a shitty tattoo," Zabuza scoffs.

Kakashi shrugs, "I feel like everyone needs one."

"What would you even want that I could give you?"

"Oh, plenty," Kakashi waggles his eyebrows and Zabuza groans, "As for the tattoo, I've always kind of wanted a henohenomoheji, but I'd die from shame if I asked a professional artist to give me one."

"Henohenomoheji... You mean that stupid face everyone draws on all their shit as a kid?  _That's_  what you want?"

"If it's too dumb-"

Zabuza gets up from the couch, "No, I'll do it. Just let me find my stuff." He runs upstairs to his room and rummages through his closet before pulling out the dusty plastic bag with his tattoo supplies in it, then runs back down to find a shirtless Kakashi reclining on the couch.

"Uh. Your chest and back are pretty fucking covered already, where am I putting your next mistake?"

Kakashi laughs and holds out his left arm, "Same spot as your shitty sword."

Zabuza kneels down in front of Kakashi between the coffee table and the couch, instructing him to place his left arm palm up at his side. He puts on latex gloves, then wipes down the table and a plastic lid with a disinfectant wipe and Kakashi's arm with an alcohol one.

Kakashi watches these proceedings intently, "I'd like to learn how to give a stick and poke, if you want to teach me."

"Well," Zabuza says, taking out some transfer paper and sketching on it, "As with any tattoo, you want to sketch out the design first. If you like how it looks on your skin, I'll get to work stabbing you," he finishes the drawing and presses it onto Kakashi's bicep, peeling it away slowly. A blue face now smiles back up at them.

Kakashi lifts his arm to inspect the template, "Alright, I'm ready to have this on me forever."

Zabuza opens one of the biggest sterile needles, "This is a three. It's good for covering large areas quickly, and I'll use it for the 'ji' character," he dips the needle in ink and positions himself over Kakashi's arm.

The front door creaks open and Haku's jaw drops to the floor along with his backpack, "Zab- Dad, what the hell is going on here? Why is Kakashi-sensei shirtless? Why are  _you_ shirtless?"

They both respond at the same time, Zabuza raising the needle to show Haku.

"I'm giving Kakashi a tattoo, and watch your fucking language, kid."

"We're having sex," Kakashi says, deadpan.

Zabuza glares at Kakashi while Haku splutters, "How come you'll give him a tattoo but not me?"

"Because, brat, he's an adult capable of making his own poor decisions."

Haku groans exaggeratedly and retreats upstairs to his bedroom.

Zabuza rolls his eyes and begins work on the "ji". He pokes each spot ten times before moving on to the next, dipping the needle back into the ink every so often. The air is heavy with the intimacy that can only exist when being tattooed by one's lover.

Once that character is done, Zabuza wipes Kakashi's arm with an alcohol wipe and gets out a different needle, "This one's a nine, the smallest I have. It's good for detail work, but it takes a long-ass time. I expect we'll be here for at least another hour."

Kakashi shrugs, "I don't have anywhere I need to be."

Zabuza hears Haku's slippered feet padding back down the stairs, but he doesn't look up from his work, "What's up, kid? Need something?"

"I left my backpack down here. Do you mind if I do my homework near you?"

"As long as that's actually what you're doing, go ahead."

Haku pulls his backpack over to one of the empty chairs and takes out his cheap laptop. Soon, it whirrs to life and Haku's fingers fly across the keyboard.

Kakashi looks at Haku, trying to distract himself from the fast, pinprick pain in his arm, "What are you working on?"

Haku doesn't stop typing as he replies, "English paper. I'm supposed to analyze the different motifs in Memoirs of a Geisha, but this whole book is historically inaccurate and pretty sexist and racist. I'm going metaanalytical and pulling from other works based on this book to show how much it affected people's perceptions of geisha and Japanese women."

"Sounds ambitious-"

"And before you ask, Kakashi-sensei, I already finished the homework you assigned."

Kakashi laughs, causing Zabuza to tighten his vice grip on his arm, saying, "Don't enjoy yourself too much, unless you don't mind this looking worse than it already was going to."

"That's just part of the charm."

A few moments pass in silence except for the rapid clacking of Haku's nails on his keyboard, then Kakashi says, "You're in marching band, right, Haku? How's that going?"

Haku actually stops typing to respond, his face lighting up, "Oh, the results for color guard captain auditions are coming out soon, and I really hope I get it! Neji is auditioning against me because there's only one spot for rising juniors, and he's really good - better at rifle than I am, even. I gave it my all, though, which I guess is all I can ask of myself."

"You're good with kids. I think you'd make a great cocaptain."

"Thank you," Haku blushes, pleased with himself. He returns to his essay and the room is filled with the sound of tapping fingers once more.

Kakashi is startled by the sudden coolness on his arm. He looks over and Zabuza is gently wiping his fresh tattoo with an alcohol wipe. It looks pretty good, for a stick and poke. The lines are solid and dark.

"Well, what do you think? Completely regretting this yet?" Zabuza says, tossing his gloves in the trash and disposing of the used needles in the biohazard container he usually puts his testosterone needles in.

"I like it, but now you have to let me do you."

"Fuck, Kakashi, Haku is literally right there. Tone it down several notches, please."

"I mean, yes, that, but I also want to return the favor. Is there anything that  _you_  want permanently etched into your skin?"

Zabuza snorts, thinking Kakashi is kidding, then, "Oh shit, you're serious? Hell, I don't know," He looks over at Haku, brainstorming, "How about some fuckin' snow, I guess? On my ribs."

Kakashi raises an eyebrow, "Snow. Like just a bunch of dots, or what?"

"Yeah, maybe." Zabuza motions to Haku, "Hey, kid, c'mere."

Haku finishes typing his last sentence and sets his laptop down on the chair. He kneels at the coffee table next to Kakashi, "What's up? Do you need me to get you something?"

Zabuza slides the transfer paper and a pen over to Haku, "Draw me some snow."

"You...you're going to let me design your next tattoo?"

"Have at it. Nothing too complicated, though, I actually want this to look halfway decent."

Kakashi frowns as he watches Haku gently but deliberately draw a single snowflake, "You're severely underestimating my skills-"

"And you've never given anyone a tattoo before."

"I wasn't finished. Like I was saying, you're severely underestimating my skills to be able to fuck up the simplest of tasks."

That actually makes Zabuza laugh, "Well, it's like you said, everyone needs a shitty tattoo. It's about time I got another one."

Haku slides the paper across the table to Kakashi, who, after putting on gloves and disinfecting the area, presses the drawing into Zabuza's ribs.

Zabuza hums in approval, "Alright, you ready to stab me?"


	7. Chapter Porn: Redux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an edited version of an rp with my girlfriend.

It's only been half a day since Zabuza dropped Haku off at the high school, but he's already feeling bored without the kid around and talking his ear off, so he picks up his phone and texts Kakashi.

Zabuza: as u prolly kno already  
Zabuza: the brat is away at band camp the next couple of days  
Zabuza: so u wanna come over?  
Kakashi: this is a booty call.  
Kakashi: do you take me for some mere harlot sir?  
Kakashi: be there in ten  
Zabuza: haha sweet

Zabuza makes sure everything is ready, towels down on the bed, lube and condoms out on the nightstand. Easy access.

Kakashi parks on the street and texts Zabuza to let him in. He's not gonna go up and ring the doorbell like he's there for any legitimate purpose

Zabuza texts back, letting him know that the door's unlocked and he's waiting upstairs. If Kakashi can't be assed to ring the doorbell, two can play at this game.

The fact that Zabuza is making Kakashi come to him is kind of annoying but also hot in some obscure way. It's probably cause he's already hard - he automatically associates Haku not being in town with sex. Best not to think about how his sex life is contingent on one of his former students, though.

Kakashi climbs the stairs to Zabuza's bedroom and slouches in the doorframe, eyes hooded. "Yo."

Zabuza does that thing - head nod of acknowledgement - and hops off the bed to greet his boyfriend, trying not too look too excited.

He gives Kakashi a quick once over, noticing his hard-on, and smirks, "Couldn't get here quick enough, could you?"

"Oh, you know I'm not a patient man," Kakashi drawls, pushing Zabuza back towards the bed

"Good," he says, feeling the blood start to rush to his dick as he sits down on the edge of his bed, "Neither am I."

Zabuza pulls Kakashi down to him and kisses him viciously on the lips, letting his teeth graze over them.

Kakashi groans and grabs at Zabuza's shirt. He pushes him down to the bed, and leans into the biting, bruising kisses.

Zabuza opens his mouth slightly, adding some tongue to the mix, and slides a hand down Kakashi's chest to his dick. He strokes him gently over his pants, teasing.

Kakashi has a modicum of dignity, he's not going to hump Zab's hand like a teenager, but god if it isn't tempting. He digs his nails in Zabuza's shoulders and shoves his tongue between those sharpened teeth.

Zabuza feels his dick throb at that. He sucks on Kakashi's tongue and at the risk of seeming desperate, gets both hands to work on taking off Kakashi's jeans as they kiss.

Kakashi reaches back to help him, letting his teeth catch Zabuza's lip as he shifts, trying to get his pants down.

Zabuza's breath hitches in his throat as Kakashi's teeth catch his lip, and despite everything in his body aching to be closer, he has to push him away to get there. "Mm, shirt. Off."

Kakashi rips his black tee off so fast his hair crackles with static, and yanks at the hem of Zabuza's shirt. He'd never confess to it, but being told what to do goes straight to his dick.

Zabuza lifts his arms up to allow Kakashi to take his shirt off, all the while admiring the ink on his boyfriend's chest. He especially appreciates the lightning bolts. And, yes, even the shitty stick and poke he gave him.

Kakashi leans down and kisses Zabuza hungrily, feeling the roughness of the top scars against his own chest. He's straddling Zab's hips, and he starts to grind down on him, the friction through the thin barrier of his boxers shooting sparks up his spine.

Zabuza moans quietly, enjoying breathing Kakashi in and grabbing his ass to pull him down harder with each thrust. The seams in his own shorts are starting to feel uncomfortable rubbing up against his clit, but groping Kakashi's ass is more important.

Fuck, just having Zabuza's hands on him is so fucking good, it feels like 90% of his blood's in his cock right now and he's starting to leak just a little, which makes him think...

"You wet?" He rasps in between devouring Zabuza's mouth. "How much?" God, just saying it makes him twitch.

He feels a shiver run through him at that and takes Kakashi's hand, guiding it into his shorts, "Feel for yourself."

Zabuza's really fucking wet. Zabuza's cunt is fucking dripping. Kakashi moans in sheer need and grinds his swollen cock insistently against Zabuza's belly.

"Fuck, 'Kashi, what are you waiting for?" Zabuza nods his head towards the nightstand and tugs at Kakashi's boxers.

Kakashi pulls off his boxers one-handed, the other fumbling for the nightstand. The cool air on his cock is enough to make him hiss softly, already too hard. He's kind of embarrassingly desperate, but he doubts Zabuza's going to complain.

Zabuza sure as hell isnt complaining, but he is perhaps nervous as he whips off his shorts and throws them to the floor. He wants to try something new.

Kakashi looks at the lube and condoms. So. "So."

"So, um, I was thinking..." Zabuza hems and haws over the right way to say this.

Kakashi tilts his head. "Go on."

"I thought it might be cool if you, uh, yknow. If I bottomed this time."

Kakashi blinks. "Okay." He considers. "In the ass, right?" This shouldn't feel as weird as it does.

Zabuza shakes his head, "Tried that once, not worth the discomfort." He's kind of absentmindedly stroking himself, not really paying any attention to it.

"Oh." Oh. "You would let me...?"

"Yeah, you seem like you wouldn't be an asshole about it," is Zabuza blushing? Maybe he should tell Kakashi he was preparing for this, like a fucking teenager in the bathroom with a mirror. To be fair, he never actually did that as a teenager.

Kakashi can't help smiling a little. "I promise not to be an asshole about your pussy."

He snorts, "Okay, I'll trust you on that." There's a bit of an awkward silence. They're both sitting there, hard, looking-not-looking.

Wow, Kakashi hasn't had sex this awkward since that one time with Obito, and if he thinks any more about that memory he's gonna lose his boner, so compartmentalizing now.

He flicks Zabuza a small smile, just the barest flash of teeth, and puts on his best unconcerned drawl. "Well, since we're not getting any younger."

He rips open one of the condoms and starts rolling it on, and nope, yep, he definitely still has a boner. He can't help leaning into his own touch a little, the quiet exhalation at even the small amount of friction.

Zabuza bites his lip, drawing some blood, and helpfully hands Kakashi the lube.

Thankfully, the lube is reasonably full and doesn't make that ridiculous squelch when he squeezes some out. He does lean forward into his hand, stroking himself maybe a little more than necessary. Leans forward far enough to lick the cut in Zabuza's lip, one hand on his cock, the other braced against Zabuza's thigh. The room is very warm.

Zabuza places his hands on Kakashi's shoulders. He tips his head up and closes his eyes, breath rattling heavy in his chest, "Just fuck me already, you bastard."

Kakashi takes the raised chin as an invitation to seal his mouth around Zabuza's throat. He sucks and bites, trailing his way down as he lines himself up.

Kakashi pauses, tip just barely touching Zabuza, against the dripping slit of him.

"You sure about this?"

"God, yeah, don't know why you aren't fucking me already." He knows why, and Zabuza is actually appreciative that Kakashi is checking up on him like this. At least, his brain appreciates it. His cunt, which is swollen and throbbing with need, not so much.

"Okay," says Kakashi kind of inanely, winces at himself, and pushes the first couple inches in. "Fffffffffuck, tight." He not just being complimentary, he's honestly worried about either not fitting or tearing something in Zab if he doesn't stop clenching. "You really have to relax, man..."

"Hhh, I am...trying anyways. You're a lot bigger than my fingers." Zabuza is also aware that it's his labia that's making it so tight, just because of how swollen it gets. It's not a matter of relaxing, but of getting through the first "barrier" as it were.

"You've never...? Shit." Kakashi ignores the offcolor comment about cherry popping that he could make (Zabuza is really, really red) and eases in another inch or so. He's well-situated in Zabuza now, and the hot clutch of his insides feels merely pleasant and not alarmingly narrow, "Tell me if you feel anything wrong, alright?"

"'Course. And I have had dicks in me, just not after starting T. One of those dicks was yours if I recall correctly." Zabuza smirks, taking all of his concentration not to just grab Kakashi and force him to start moving.

Kakashi closes his eyes at that memory, which is absolutely not despicably, deliriously hot, and tentatively rocks his hips forwards. He slides in most of the rest of the way, almost to the hilt, and he gasps. "Shhhhhit, you okay?"

Zabuza makes a weird, half-pleased half-uncomfortable noise, "Mmh. Think we need more lube." He dries up really quickly, unfortunately, but once they get going it should be fine.

"Fuck, sorry" He goes to pull out, quite a bit more reluctantly than he should.

Zabuza inhales sharply through his teeth. It's been so long since these muscles were used, it feels good! Just. God it's different. And his cock is aching from lack of stimulation. He finds himself wishing he could take it up the ass like a normal guy.

Kakashi slides the rest of the way out and puts on more lube - this time the bottle does make that awful squelching sound, which he laughs helplessly at. "Between the two of us, someone should be able to get off by next Tuesday, probably."

Zabuza snickers and plays along, "Fuck, I hope so, that's when the kid gets home."

"Please, do not talk about your kid while I literally have my dick out."

"That's fair. What do you want me to talk about instead~?"

"Anything else." Kakashi looks at him sidelong. "You could...tell me what you want me to do."

Zabuza taps his chin with one hand, pretending to think about it, and spreads open his pussy with the other. Between the combination of lube and his own fluids, it already looks like he's been creampied, "Gee, I'll give you one guess..."

"Fuck," says Kakashi, with reverence. That looks fucking obscene, and he wants to feel it on his cock again. "You ready now?"

"So fucking ready." Zabuza wraps his legs around Kakashi's hips, pulling him in closer.

Well, that's an invitation written in calligraphy and hand-delivered to Kakashi's doorstep. This time, he doesn't pause, just pushes in, slow and continuous, and whines softly through his teeth because fuck Zabuza is yielding but tight and between the lube and how fucking wet he is, Kakashi just slides, and he needs to be fucking Zabuza, hard, now.

This time, Zabuza's eyes nearly roll back in his head and electricity dances up his spine, "Hah, fuck..."

Kakashi sits up, rolling his hips smooth and slow, which is just as well because he's been so hard for so long that he's not sure he'll last if he really starts thrusting. "So fucking tight," he says, praising this time, and it comes out sounding so fucking needy that it turns him on even as he cringes at himself.

Zabuza can't stand it anymore, so he takes his own dick in hand and strokes himself in time with Kakashi's thrusts, letting out a string of low moans. He appreciates the praise, having worked very hard to get such a tight pussy. (He did almost none of the work himself. It's mostly the testosterone.)

Kakashi's nails dig into Zabuza's ribs, and he picks the pace up, feeling his cock pulse, and a plaintive noise escapes him to answer Zabuza.

Zabuza gasps when Kakashi's nails dig into him, his clit twitching in his hand, "Mmoh, fuck," he lets his tongue loll out of his mouth, no longer really caring if it isn't "manly" to do so.

"That's so fucking hot," says Kakashi fervently. He rakes his nails hard down Zabuza's sides because he wants to see more of that face.

And more of that face he gets! Zabuza's back arches slightly and he lets out a guttural moan, "Fuck, more, fuck, harder~"

Harder, Kakashi can absolutely do. He grabs Zabuza's hips and starts thrusting in earnest, sinking himself in up to the hilt, and if it weren't for the latex he'd be edging already. Zabuza's lolling tongue and rolling eyes, that hoarse voice demanding more and harder, makes Kakashi's head swim.

Zabuza's left hand has a fistful of pillow, his right a fistful of cock, and he's relishing every second, "So good- mmh, shit, ohhh~" He briefly manages to focus his eyes on Kakashi's face and a shiver runs up his back.

The sound Kakashi makes is pathetically high and desperate. He's drooling himself now, Zabuza's just so hot and so tight and god something about it makes him feel so fucking needy and dirty, pleasing this tough bastard enough to make his eyes roll in his head. Kakashi wants to wreck him and be wrecked by him.

Ditto to that. Zabuza lets go of the pillow and pulls Kakashi down to him so he can take a nice big bite of his shoulder.

"GHHH oooh yeah Zabuza, fuck," Kakashi babbles, because biting and pain do something fun to his head. Everything is hot and blurry and his dick pulses in time with the thrusts. He feels like he's gonna lose his fucking mind when he cums.

Zabuza nips and licks at the fresh bite, humming with pleasure as he does and letting go of his dick with his other hand (and reluctantly so) to get a better grip on Kakashi. It's okay, though, because he can feel the taut abs and fluffy hair of Kakashi's stomach rubbing up against him.

"Fucking bite me," Kakashi whines, too far gone to be self conscious. He wants to be bruised and marked up.

Zabuza's dick fucking throbs as he finds a new spot to mark up, settling for his clavicle. He bites and sucks and makes a very large mark.

Kakashi moans, and it's his turn for his tongue to hang out. Zabuza's pussy makes wet, obscene noises as Kakashi's thrusts get quicker and more erratic. "Hnn, oh, oooh, Zabuza, fuck, so close, so fucking close~"

Zabuza hums along Kakashi's neck, "Yeah~? Hah- you gonna cum in me~? Fuck..."

"Fuck, Zabuza, feels so good, can't, gonna cum so fucking hard in you, need it, need to feel good, Zabuza, pleeeaaaase~"

Zabuza laughs breathlessly, amused to no end, "Go ahead, but- mph, you gotta- ohh, fuck, return the favor~"

Kakashi's nails dig and tear, and with a last few viciously hard thrusts, he throws his head back, whole body spasming. With a long, shattered groan, he orgasms, cock pulsing and pouring out cum. In the aftershocks, drooling and panting, throat and shoulders bitten and bruised, he looks utterly debauched.

"H-holy shit..." Zabuza is still kind of clutching onto Kakashi, but damn that was so hot, and looking at him is really jamming up his train of thought.

Slowly, Kakashi pulls out, hissing at how oversensitive he is. Then he lies down flat on the bed and shoves his face into Zabuza's cunt.

Zabuza gasps and immediately knots his fingers in Kakashi's hair and locks his ankles behind Kakashi's neck, keeping him down there (as if he'd leave without finishing the job). "Ohh fuck, 'Kashi~"

Kakashi growls in response and sucks hard on Zabuza's swollen clittycock. His pussy is so puffy and red from being fucked hard, and the thick white wetness that pours out of him really makes it look like Kakashi stuffed him full of cum. It's fucking hot, and Kakashi wishes he could get hard again, so he could touch himself to the taste of Zabuza's thick cunt.

Zabuza can't help it as his hips stutter up into Kakashi's mouth, his poor, neglected cock finally receiving some much needed attention. He can't stop talking nonsense about how good Kakashi is and all the things he wants to do to him, or have done by him.

Kakashi licks and sucks mercilessly, spurred on by Zabuza's voice. He holds tight to the inside of the other man's thighs for leverage, nails digging.

After being teased and fucked for so long, Zabuza is finally close to tipping over the edge, and he says through gritted teeth, "Mmfuck, 'm so- ah- you're gonna fucking make a mess of me~"

Kakashi redoubles his efforts, he's gotta fucking see this.

Within a few seconds, Zabuza's moans get caught in his throat, and he just shakes, his entire body twitching with ecstasy. He's not sure, in the intensity of it all, but he thinks that he must have squirted, at least a little. It's embarrassing as fuck, but hey, that's what the towels are for.

With a contented sigh, Kakashi slowly disentangles himself from Zabuza's legs, lies down on top of him, and kisses him languidly on his still-bleeding lips. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that Zabuza's cum is dripping down his chin.

Zabuza indulges him for a little while, then pushes him away when he tries to slide his tongue in, "You taste like me. It's fucking weird."

Kakashi rolls off of Zabuza and lies next to him, reclining lazily on his side, "Mm, I like how you taste, though."

"You're disgusting," Zabuza shoves his shoulder playfully, then pulls him back to cuddle, " 'S okay, so am I."


	8. I Lied, Not Everything is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: homophobic/transphobic/racist violence, another edited rp with my gf

After the homecoming game, Zabuza and Kakashi are waiting outside the band room for Haku, who is in such a wonderful mood. He's junior captain (captain!) and he still can't quite believe it, even though they're well into the season by this point.

The three of them walk back to Zabuza's truck to find it has been vandalized, "GO BACK TO KIRI, F*GS" is painted on the back window, only without the asterisk.

Zabuza says, "I need. To fucking. Hurt someone. Very. Badly."

Kakashi grabs his hand and holds tight.

Haku inspects the rest of the truck - tr*nny cunt" is painted on the passenger door, and "wetback" is painted on the driver's side. He punches the door. Everything is hot and blank. He doesn't even realize what he did until he looks down and sees the skin on his knuckles split open.

Zabuza is visibly shaking with anger. He looks like he's about to explode, but Haku walks back to him with the air of a sleepwalker. He clasps Zabuza's hand around his bleeding one. Nothing is real right now. Everything is over.

The rest of the crowd has left already. The only stragglers are band parents, most of whom are aware of Haku and Zabuza, but aren't close to them. Eventually, it's just the three of them, standing silently in an empty parking lot staring at a pale blue car marked with red paint.

"Haku," says Kakashi quietly. "Your hand, sweetheart."

Haku lets go of Zabuza's hands and reaches towards Kakashi, the blood trickling from his split knuckles.

"Can you move all your fingers?" Kakashi's voice sounds to him like he's under water. It's only a little bit the blood that's making everything feel wrong. It's the blank, hopeless look on Haku's face. It reminds him of Sakumo.

Haku tries, can. Nothing is broken, at least not physically.

"We should still go to the hospital. I can take him." Kakashi looks to Zabuza, who still hasn't spoken.

"How am I gonna pay for this..."

Haku makes a noise like an angry cat. Money is not the thing on his mind, and he's unbalanced enough to defy Zabuza at the moment.

Zabuza shoots Haku a look, "This isn't Kiri, kid. I can't just shoot who did this and use my connections to fix my car for free."

"We can talk about this when Haku isn't  _bleeding_ ," Kakashi snaps.

"Fine. Get in the car, brat. And hand me that blanket."

Kakashi holds it out to him wordlessly. Haku shoves past them both. He freezes in front of the truck once more, then spits on the ground before climbing in and slamming the door.

Zabuza knows he's doing something illegal, but he doesn't care, he drapes the blanket over the back window and shuts it in the windows of the car. "That's one thing covered."

"I can talk to someone about getting this fixed. And someone else about tracking down who did it. If you like," says Kakashi quietly. Zabuza is proud, and it won't do to make him feel like Kakashi's offering charity.

"Can I kill them? Please?"

"Right now you need to take your kid to the  _fucking hospital._ " It's not an answer, and there's a hard edge on Kakashi's voice that suggests he's trying really hard to not say yes.

Zabuza revs the engine and takes off, swearing profusely.

Haku's hand has stopped bleeding by the time they get to the emergency room. He answers the receptionist's questions in monosyllables and relies on Zabuza for the rest. While they wait in uncomfortable plastic chairs for a nurse to take them back, he presses very, very close to Zabuza.

Zabuza is petting his hair with one hand and has a vice grip on Kakashi's with the other.

Haku turns and presses his face into Zabuza's shoulder, cradling his hand against his chest. Some of the numbness has worn away, and his knuckles hurt with a deep, pulsing ache. A short, dry sob escapes him, but it's not at the pain.

Zabuza continues brushing his fingers over Haku's hair, a murderous look on his face.

Eventually, Haku gets stitches, an x-ray, a big chunk of gauze round his hand, and some mild scolding from the nurses. Nothing is broken, fortunately. Haku barely speaks.

None of them say a word until they get back to the car. Zabuza laughs mirthlesly, "Dumbasses got my race wrong. I'm not Hispanic."

"I want to go home," Haku says. He sounds very young.

Zabuza cradles him in his arms and sets him gently in the car. "We will."

And they do. Haku sits curled in Zabuza's lap on the couch. Kakashi stands around awkwardly in the doorway for a while, not sure whether he's wanted around or not.

Zabuza holds an an arm out towards Kakashi, "C'mere," his voice is hoarse, "Please."

Kakashi obeys. They all press together for a moment. Haku cries quietly.

The couch is uncomfortable with all three of them on it. Zabuza shifts slightly, "Hey, Haku, lets go upstairs and get that caked shit off your face, put on some pajamas."

"Okay," says Haku listlessly. "...come with me?"

"Of course." Zabuza helps Haku off the couch and follows him upstairs to the bathroom, Kakashi awkwardly following behind.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asks.

"Feels safer with both of you," says Haku quietly.

Zabuza nods, "You're stopping me from pulling some dumb shit." They all shove into the bathroom and Zabuza takes down Haku's hair with a gentleness Kakashi has never seen this man use before.

The counter is soon littered with bobby pins, Kakashi thinks he can count a hundred, and Zabuza brushes through Haku's crispy, hairsprayed hair.

There are tear tracks through Haku's makeup, but it all comes off easily enough. By the time Haku's face is scrubbed pink and clean, he's not crying anymore, though his eyes are red.

Zabuza kneels behind Haku when the kid turns around, "You're so tough."

Haku hugs him tight around the neck, clutching like a boy drowning. At last, his shoulders shake with real, heavy sobs he doesn't bother trying to hold back.

Zabuza holds him tight, patting his hair, "My brave boy. So fucking proud of you."

Haku pulls away for just a second to look at Zabuza. "Are  _you_  okay?"

"It doesn't matter." He wants to say more than that, but he doesn't want to upset Haku.

(What he wants to say is that he's always been a f*g, and if people find that threatening, that's their fucking problem.)

"It does," says Haku, and holds him tighter. "It's not  _fair_."

"Look, kid, that's just...that's what it's like, being a gay man."

"It doesn't  _have_  to be that way," Kakashi puts in, fiercely.

"No, it doesn't, you're right. But all the nice f*gs are dead, and they're left with us cockroach motherfuckers." Zabuza looks at Haku, really looks at him, "You've always amazed me with how fucking nice you are. Don't lose that, okay?"

"Sometimes people make me want to," says Haku, quiet and hard. "But I'll try."

Zabuza nods, then, "Yo, 'Kashi, can you pick the kid out some nice, fluffy pajamas?"

"He deserves it." Kakashi goes into Haku's room and finds a soft blue shirt and pants that have bunnies on them. This kid, he swears.

Haku shoos them both out of the bathroom while he throws on his pajamas, but lets them back in while he brushes his teeth, humming softly, "You two should go to bed too, y'know," he says around his toothbrush.

"Will you be alright?" Zabuza says quietly.

Haku nods, then, "Actually...can I...never mind, I'm sixteen, I think I'm probably too old for this." He sighs and spits in the sink.

"If it'll keep you safe..." Zabuza says. Kakashi makes an agreeing sound, remembering the look on Haku's face.

"Can I sleep with you, tonight?"

Kakashi glances at Zabuza, who nods. "Yeah. Always. Better than having you wake up screaming like you used to."

Haku smiles, but his eyes are still sad, "I'll leave you two to it, then." He leaves and waits in Zabuza's room.

Kakashi blinks. "I don't think you had to bring up old nightmares."

Zabuza shrugs, getting out his own toothbrush and handing the one Kakashi uses when he stays the night to him, "Maybe not. Just kinda slipped out."

(he's got a toothbrush at his boyfriend's place they're in it for the long haul)

Kakashi pauses, staring contemplatively at his toothbrush. " _Are_  you okay? We spent all night worrying about the kid, but in the parking lot there...I thought you were going to explode."

Zabuza is brushing his teeth perhaps more vigorously than he has to, "D'you think I'm fucking okay? It was dumb of me to think that Konoha had any less of a bigot problem." He spits in the sink, "But fuck it, this f****t's here to stay, and they all have to deal with me."

Kakashi doesn't know what to say. He rests his forehead against Zabuza's back, arms round his waist. "I'm with you. I'm here to stay, too."

Zabuza turns his head and kisses his boyfriend on the mouth, then jokingly pushes him away, "Brush your teeth, your breath tastes like chili cheese dog."

Wow, they almost had a Moment, too bad they're allergic to feelings. Kakashi brushes his teeth in a perfunctory manner, it's not like he's getting any tonight, and a small weird part of him feels the need to make sure Haku is still alive as soon as possible.

"You can't sleep in your clothes. I think we're close enough in size... hold on."

Zabuza walks across the hall to his room, nodding at Haku, who is reading a book, and he rummages through his closet for two pairs of sweatpants in his near endless stock of them. He also fishes out a fresh pair of underwear, considering Kakashi might not want to sleep commando. And a shirt. He's trying, okay? Zabuza changes into one of the pairs of sweatpants in the bathroom.

Kakashi shrugs his way into the borrowed clothes in the hallway, and follows Zabuza back into his bedroom.

Haku looks up from his book, "Time for bed?"

"Yeah, s'been a long damn day." Zabuza lies down next to him, draws him in close; Kakashi lies down on the other side, not touching Haku but close enough so that he feels safe between them.

Zabuza clicks out the light on the bedside table and Haku pulls the blankets over the three of them.

Haku snuggles into Zabuza, "Hey, dad?"

"Mm?" says Zabuza, already mostly asleep. Homicidal rage takes it out of a guy.

"Thanks for...everything, I guess." He's rubbing his bandaged hand, and sighs, "You, too, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi laughs awkwardly, "You don't have to call me sensei anymore, Haku. You're already in precalc. I'm just the lowly Algebra II honors teacher."

"You're welcome. Now sleep," Zabuza messes up Haku's hair.

Haku nuzzles Zabuza's chest, "Night, love you both."

He's greeted with gravelly echoes of the sentiment, and they all drift off.


	9. Kakashi Gaiden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: murder, blood, basically some fucked up violent shit based on personal experience

Hatake Kakashi just turned twenty and has been a member of the KPD (Konoha Police Department) for about a year. It's a gritty job, aside from all of the paperwork, but he has to pay for his Bachelor's of Science in Applied Physics with a concentration in Electricity and Magnetism somehow. He was smart, or lucky, enough to get a partial scholarship to the public university, otherwise he probably wouldn't be able to afford higher education.

Today isn't the first time he's questioned whether or not it's worth it to keep this job instead of flipping burgers. His first day in the field, a 911 call at two in the morning had him racing back to the engineering quad of his own University. There had been a stabbing, a disagreement, they say, Konoha is better than this, they say, but "they" didn't have to question the distraught friends of the victim. Fuck, the kid was his own age, only nineteen! And he watched as the life drained from him and the ambulance didn't show as soon as it could have and the kid vomited up blood, shiny dark liquid on the grass under the harsh light of a streetlamp, then passed out cold. There was a friend who had also been grazed with the knife, who lay bleeding, screaming, "If Ansoni dies, so do I! Where's the fucking ambulance?!" Over and over.

Kakashi didn't know either of them, though, and he sure as hell didn't know what was holding the paramedics up. It's hard to know anyone outside of your major at such a large university. He obsessively read every article about the murder after the fact, forced himself to walk past the yellow tape on his way to and from class every day, didn't- couldn't sleep at night because the sparks on the back of his closed eyes were the night stars. They dripped with crimson.

Police Chief Shimura Danzō calls Kakashi into his office, jerking him out of his panic-stricken stupor, "Hatake. I have a request of you."

Kakashi bows his head as he enters, "Yes, Shimura-sama?" He hates having to defer to such a sleazy chief, but when you don't have much, you resort to things you never would have otherwise dreamed of just to stay afloat. At least bullets kill quickly with a well-placed shot. At least he can be sure (he  _must_  be sure) that the people he shot ( _murdered_ , he's a killer) were going to hurt others.

His eyes are tearing up from the cigarette smoke, which isn't even supposed to be there since it's illegal to smoke in public buildings.

Danzō gives him a once-over, "Kiri's department called. There's been an uptick in gang violence as of late, and they want our precinct to send over some extra hands. Take those bastards down a peg, know what I'm saying?"

"How soon and for how long?"

"Immediately, and for as long as it takes to scrub out Kiri's scum. You know, Kakashi, that this can only show that Konoha won't tolerate shit like this."

"I am well aware. Surely you understand that I am in the midst of my junior year of college, and I can't afford to miss class for more than a few days. Preliminary exams are starting within two weeks and the Physics department doesn't tolerate absences."

"Well, then, isn't that unfortunate for you, because neither do I. I know that you don't forget that your father was a coward who betrayed our city and left you in the dust once he decided his loyalties lied elsewhere. And look where that got him." Danzō extinguishes his cigarette in the near-overflowing ashtray and stands up, seeming to tower over Kakashi despite being nearly half a foot shorter, "You'd best sort yourself out, or you'll find yourself without a means to pay for that so-called education you're getting."

Kakashi quickly bows his head again, fists clenched at his sides, "Yes, sir. Will amenities and transport be provided or is that my responsibility?"

Danzō laughs, "Do you even have to ask? You know the answer will be no. Don't worry, Asuma and Anko will be coming along, too. You can leech off of the functional adults and their stipends like the child you are. Dismissed."

* * *

Kakashi grumbles to himself about work while he shoots off a quick email to his professors:

dear profs,  
job sending me away for an indeterminate amount of time, will try to be back for exams. can i submit my psets via email?  
thanks,  
kakashi

He presses send and shoots up out of his desk chair, which used to be Sakumo's until he up and offed himself, leaving a freshly eighteen-year-old Kakashi with a furnished house and not much else. Not even a note.

Kakashi doesn't know when he'll be able to come back, but it's cold in Kiri, right? He just packs all of his worst-weather gear alongside multiple uniforms and all of his textbooks and considers it done. There's really not much else to do, now, because his carpool is picking him up in the morning, so this is an excellent time to stay up all night reading up on the case reports.

From about three years ago:  **LAST OF YUKI FAMILY MASSACRED - HUNTERS SUSPECTED**

And more recently:  **KAGUYA FAMILY MEETS SAME FATE AS YUKI** ,  **TEIRUMI NEXT TARGET FOR HUNTERS?** ,  **CLASH BETWEEN HUNTERS AND SWORDS DESTROYS STOREFRONT** , and  **DRUG LORD GATŌ FOUND DEAD NEAR EASTERN PIER**.

If there's one thing Kakashi can say for sure, it's that the Kiri police department is very disorganized. None of these reports have anything about the state of the crime scene, why they think certain suspects are more, well, suspect, or autopsy results. This assignment is going to be incredibly difficult.

* * *

Asuma, Anko, and Kakashi all share a room in a shitty motel. They can hear the rats scurrying in the walls, and the entire place smells of damp moth balls and vomit. It seems like it never stops raining in Kiri.

Kakashi pulls out his laptop and checks his email. The motel wifi is so sluggish that it might as well be dial-up. His professors, though wary of the reasons behind his absence, know him well enough to know that he'll get his work done, despite not showing up to class. He both sighs with relief and groans in despair because this location isn't exactly prime real estate for working on problem sets. Oh, well, time to get started.

Anko looks at Kakashi, concerned, "Why are you doing that here? We've got work to do!"

He stares at her blankly and gestures to the spread of papers on the bed around him, "I also have work to do."

She rolls her eyes, "You're not getting paid for that. C'mon, we're going to check in at the local precinct and gather intel. Pack street clothes."

* * *

Checking in went pretty much without incident, Kiri's force seemed relieved to have the extra help, but Kakashi understands now why the case reports weren't filled out. This precinct has barely any employees, and the ones that are there don't seem to give a shit.

Anko shoves Asuma and Kakashi towards the station's men's room, "Go put on your civvies, it's time to do some digging."

Kakashi saunters in and locks himself in one of the two stalls. Being a broke-ass college student, he doesn't really have much in the way of clothes, so he figures he'll fit right in here. He throws on a black T-shirt, faded blue jeans, old sneakers, and a nondescript green jacket for good measure. When he leaves the stall, he sees Asuma slicking his hair back at the mirror.

"Anko tell you what the plan was?" Asuma looks through the mirror at Kakashi.

"No. I'm beginning to think that she wants me to make a fool of myself,"  _not like it's hard to do_ , he adds in his head.

"We're going to the seediest joints in town to scope out the scene. It'll help us narrow down our search 'till we catch some Hunters or Swords in the act and do what we came here to do."

"Which is arrest them, and let the justice system decide."

"You're awful optimistic, kid," Asuma chuckles, "It's been a while since I've gone undercover, I need a cig." He brushes past Kakashi and goes outside to smoke what must be his tenth cigarette that day.

* * *

Asuma enters the bar on his own, first, looking like your average single guy out to pick up chicks. Kakashi and Anko are pretending to be a couple, out drinking on a Friday night. They wait about ten minutes before stumbling through the door, Anko laughing as if Kakashi just said the funniest thing in the world, and take two seats at the bar.

Kakashi must look old enough to be of age, because the bartender doesn't card him when he orders a black Russian, either that or the bartender doesn't care. Anko orders a peppermint patty, and in Kakashi's humble opinion, it's better when it's served at parties and you have to take it on your knees. Not that he has the time to go to many parties, anymore.

He throws back the shot, coffee liqueur burning on the way down, then scans the crowd for "suspicious activity" as he chats with Anko about the crazy party they went to the previous night, and oh my god I can't believe Asuma threw up on the floor!

Anko pats him on the leg, "Gotta take a piss," then leaves him alone at the bar.

A few minutes pass, Kakashi feels the alcohol starting to take effect, and he remembers he didn't eat anything that day. There goes his high tolerance.

Suddenly, a woman about his age appears on the barstool to his right, as if out of the Kiri fog. (She didn't, really, Kakashi just didn't notice her). Her hair is buzzed short and sticking up at all angles and she wears work boots, cargo pants, and a wifebeater.

"You seem lonely," she places a hand behind her head, flexing her bicep casually, and Kakashi realizes two things. First, that she has a tattoo of a sword, and could be a well of information if he plays his cards right. Second, he hasn't had sex in months and if she's down, he's down.

Kakashi shrugs, "Maybe so. Can I get you a drink?" He's so broke, but maybe if he gets her tipsy she'll spill some secrets.

"I'm not your fucking dinner roll, there's no need to butter me up," she sneers, showing off pointed teeth.

"Good, saves me the cash."

There's a beat of silence, then the young woman juts out her chin, "Never seen you 'round here, before. See, Kiri doesn't get many tourists, so what's your business?"

"Needed a change in scenery," Kakashi says, trying not to let too much emotion into his voice. He refuses to say more than that.

"Fuckin' weird place to come for a vacation, don't you think?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea of what you're talking about."

The young woman rolls her eyes and sighs deeply, "If you weren't so cute, I'd've punched you for that."

Kakashi raises an eyebrow, "So you think I'm cute?"

"Yes, what other reason would I come over here for if I didn't wanna fuck?"

Kakashi gestures towards the wall of liquor, "To get wasted," towards the row of patrons, "To make casual conversation?"

"I had more fun shit in mind," Kakashi feels a rush of adrenaline run through him as her eyes trail down his body, then snap back up to meet his.

"By all means, lead the way."

She takes his hand, holding a little too tight, in his opinion, and pulls him off to a room in the back of the bar. It's extremely dimly lit.

"Is this a fucking janitor's closet?" Kakashi shakes his head, laughing.

"Yeah, if you've got a problem with that, I'm not taking you back to my apartment."

"And I'm not taking you back to my motel room."

It definitely isn't the worst sex Kakashi ever had, but it doesn't break the top ten. Neither of them take off more than they have to and boob-touching is strictly off-limits. It's rough and clumsy and the woman's filed teeth draw blood when she bites his lip, which in his opinion is kind of hot, but he's supposed to be working.

The young woman pulls her pants back up and gives Kakashi a weird look. He can't quite parse it.

"What?"

"You look like you'd be good at fighting. Wanna spar?"

Kakashi snorts, "You'd be right, but when are we talking about?"

"Tomorrow night, by the abandoned warehouse. Don't tell your friends."

"I don't have any friends, here."

"Good. See you then," she violently pushes the door open and leaves Kakashi in the closet, staring after her.

* * *

Back in the motel room, Kakashi tells Anko and Asuma about the upcoming fight, "I'm sure at least the Swords are going to be there, and we can make a few arrests, but I've gotta go undercover, otherwise that chick'll sense something's up."

Anko nods, but Asuma isn't quite convinced, "I'm sorry, how did you get this info, again?"

Kakashi shrugs, "Apparently good dick is more convincing than alcohol."

* * *

Kakashi is good at planning for trips - he only packed one civvie outfit, thinking that he'd be in uniform most of the time, so he just puts on what he was wearing yesterday, no big deal. He was going to wear a bulletproof vest to the fight, but that'd be a dead giveaway that he's a cop. He still hooks his pistol on his belt because Kiri has open carry laws and it wouldn't seem that out of place.

His anxiety is reaching dangerously high levels when Asuma and Anko drop him off a couple of blocks away in the unmarked car, so he attempts to do some breathing exercises. Is it in for three, out for seven, or in for seven, out for three?

He reaches the warehouse and pushes inside to find definitely more than seven people here. There's at least twice that, and two people are sparring under a single, exposed, incandescent bulb. Thick, old tables form a barrier between the fighters and the spectators.

Kakashi recognizes his one night stand in the small crowd and nods his head at her. She motions for him to come stand next to her.

"New reserves," she explains, "They always go first. I'm pretty old, so we'll just have to wait our fucking turn."

"Aren't you twenty?"

"Shit, yeah. Like I said, I'm fuckin ancient," she cracks open a shitty can of beer, the kind you see at college parties, and offers one to Kakashi, who politely declines.

He's still trying to figure out how to "switch sides" without her noticing once shit starts to go down, when shit starts to go down.

The warehouse door bursts open, but instead of Anko and Asuma, it's the notorious Karatachi Yagura and his posse of mercenaries. Immediately, the Swords' hackles are raised, and you could hear a pin drop. This is the out Kakashi needed. He shares a look with the young woman and knows she won't hold it against him if he leaves.

Yagura glides across the floor towards the center ring, speaking in dulcet tones, "It's cute that you think your training will help you."

Everyone in the empty building drops into a ready stance, hands on knives or guns, including Kakashi.

The two reserves in the middle toss one of the tables at Yagura, which surprises him and his posse well enough to give all the Swords a chance to dive behind the rest of the tables. In the middle of all of the chaos, it's the perfect out for Kakashi, who climbs up to the second floor and drops down out of the window.

Anko and Asuma pull up in the unmarked car. Kakashi jumps in and changes into his uniform as quickly as he can, putting a bulletproof vest on over it just to be sure. Gunshots can be heard from the warehouse and he just hopes that at least that chick makes it, and maybe those kids, too. Being initiated into a gang at fifteen seems like a hell of a time. He also manages to find a balaclava and some eyeblack in his bag, which he puts on to hide his face in an attempt to keep anyone in there from recognizing him. Lastly, he pulls his cap down low over his eyes and enters the building again, slightly behind Anko and Asuma.

"Police! Drop your weapons and put your hands where I can see 'em!" Anko shouts.

The action pauses for a little while the two gangs calculate whether the police or their rival is a more important target. With only three officers around, it seems to be easy pickings, and a wary alliance is formed. Kakashi, Asuma, and Anko all duck behind various dumpsters and pillars and the air is thick with gunfire once more.

Kakashi takes a deep breath, his blood roaring in his ears, and prioritizes his targets. Yagura is definitely the one he should aim for first. Not only will that disrupt the hierarchy of the Hunters, but he is by far causing the most violence in Kiri. He glances around the column, scoping out the situation. Another deep breath. Yagura is not going to be an easy target, but Kakashi is an above-average marksman. Time seems to slow when he takes a shot.

Breathe in, aim, breathe out, pull. Right on the-

FUCK. As Kakashi pulled the trigger, a small, blue-haired kid pushed Yagura to the ground, fist raised in the air. Needless to say, Yagura is alive, and the kid who tried to get his one hit in might not be.

The kid. Kakashi recognizes that poorly-dyed blue from the sparring ring and realizes the person he just shot is fifteen, at the very most.

"ANKO!" His voice is shrill, and the kid he couldn't save last year is dying on the ground in front of him, "Where's the ambulance?"

She glares at him, "Later, Hatake, when he gets taken to the morgue."

"It's not coming, is it?" His gun is shaking in his hands, "He's going to die, isn't he?"

"What the fuck is your problem? Stay focused! You've shot dangerous criminals before."

"He's dying, Anko!" Screams echo across the walls of Kakashi's skull, but the firefight still rages.

"Pull yourself together, man!" Adds Asuma, cigarette in mouth, as usual.

Kakashi drops his gun and pulls out his shitty flip phone, "We have to call 911."  _If he dies, so do I. I can save him._

The floor shines like dew on wet grass, the boy's body is limp and contorted in front of the table barrier.

"We are 911, you idiot!"

Kakashi can't tell who said this, and he doesn't care. He prepares to run out from behind his safe column into the gunfire and retrieve the boy, he knows some basic wound care, there must be something he can do-

The young woman pushes through the crowd of Swords and quickly hoists the boy off the ground. Kakashi gets a brief glimpse of the boy being cradled gently in her arms before he doubles over, pulls his mask down, and vomits on the concrete floor.

"Aw, hell," Anko shakes her head and lowers her gun, "Party's over, Asuma, time to pack it in and try another day." To Kakashi, it sounds like she's speaking through a mattress, and it's the last thing he remembers from that night.

* * *

Back in the motel room, Kakashi wakes up to find that most of his clothes have been removed, save his underwear and socks, and there's a wet washcloth on his forehead.

"Anko? What happened?"

She shrugs, "Why don't you tell me what fucking happened back there?"

Kakashi slowly pieces it together, "Had some bad fish for lunch."

"You sure? 'Cause reacting that way to a criminal you shot sounds like more than just 'bad fish'."

"He was fifteen," Kakashi shudders and coughs, "He didn't deserve it. I was aiming for that other bastard."

"That's all fine and dandy, but thanks to you, we have no new leads, look like more of a laughingstock than usual, and didn't manage to take out anyone important."

Kakashi opens his mouth to say something, but wisely closes it. Anko sighs and looks at Asuma, "We're gonna head out again. You rest up and fix your shit, okay?"

Fix his shit indeed. Once Anko and Asuma leave, Kakashi takes out a piece of paper and starts drafting his letter of resignation, telling Danzō that he's unfit for work and, with all due respect (which is none), that Danzō can go fuck himself.

He feels no better than one of Yagura's cronies, neither the police nor the Hunters protecting and serving their community, despite the image they try to promote. Looks like it's time to start flipping burgers, after all.

He also writes a note for his two colleagues and leaves it on their bed:

yo,  
guess i should say thanks for taking care of me and getting my ass out of there. this clearly is the wrong career path for me.  
good luck dealing with shitmura,  
'kashi

Kakashi gets dressed in the same dirty street clothes he's worn the past two days and packs up as quick as he can. Then, he hurries over to the closest train station and purchases a one-way ticket back to Konoha Village, which is a five minute walk from his house. Even though he's not quite out of the clear yet, it seems to him that a huge weight has already been lifted off of his shoulders.

* * *

Momochi [REDACTED] helps the Swords carry Chojuro's body down to the sea in the night smog, sky too clouded and disgusting to see the stars. Though she has been mulling this over for months, today's events are the proverbial raindrop that broke the dam, as it were. All the paperwork was already in order and the multifarious dates set - trade school graduation, the day she can legally assume her new name, top surgery, post-ops (like she'll go to those), she's already been on T for a month - it was only a matter of time.

"After we dump this body, I'm out," she says, waiting for the impending shitstorm.

"What do you mean, 'out'?" Kisame gives her the side eye.

"Done with gang shit. Need to focus on more important shit, like finding a real job."

Kisame lets go of Chojuro's leg and the rest of the Swords let out various degrees of "What the fuck?"

"Since when did you care about getting a real job?" Kisame looks quizzically at [REDACTED].

"Since I enrolled in trade school a year and a half ago. Have you all been living under a fucking rock?"

Suigetsu pipes up, "Why would you wanna do that? We're all you need!"

[REDACTED] laughs, "We're not exactly doing so hot right now. My salary is just enough to afford my apartment and food, and I don't have fucking health insurance."

"You don't need health insurance, you're in good shape!"

"I need it for getting my tits cut off. How in the hell could I pay thousands of dollars out of pocket?"

A murmur runs through the group. They've finally arrived at their destination and the Swords who are carrying Chojuro set him down gently on the sand. The freezing wind whips the shore and some of them pull their jackets tighter around themselves.

Kisame hold a hand up, "Wait, hold up, since when are you cutting your tits off? What the fuck are you going on about?"

"I'm trans. If I wanna have any chance in hell of changing my ID's, I'd better lay low for a while."

"So, that's it, then? You're just gonna up and leave because you wanna be a man?"

"You don't have to repeat everything I say, Hoshigaki. I'm sure everyone here is smart enough to figure it out on their own, except maybe Suigetsu."

Suigetsu snarls in protest, "I'm not an idiot, [REDACTED]. So what, you've got a dick now and suddenly you don't have the balls to stay?"

"Think what you want, I'm going home," she shoves her hands in her jacket pockets and starts walking away. Then, without turning around, "By the way, my name's Zabuza."

Momochi Zabuza climbs the dunes amidst a chorus of confused and angry shouts as he lights a cigarette. He takes a deep breath of the brisk and smoky September air and a smile flickers across his face.


	10. The Fang's Venom Stays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: discussions of abuse, suicide, drunkenness

Kakashi tosses his backpack into his office and collapses face-down on the couch. He'll get to grading his students' finals next week, because the school year is finally over, which only means one thing. Father's Day is this weekend and Kakashi is planning on not remembering any of it.

He wants to just sleep for the next day and a half, but first, things need to be taken care of. Kakashi heaves himself back up off the couch and shuffles over to the repurposed master bedroom, where he greets, feeds, and takes out each of his eight dogs. He spends about twenty minutes petting them all before driving them over to the kennel for the weekend. When he comes home, he walks back out to the kitchen and eats some peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. Then, he slogs back to his own bedroom, strips down to his boxers, and is asleep before his head even hits the pillow.

* * *

Kakashi briefly wakes up on Saturday to take a piss and finish off the jar of peanut butter, then he crawls back into bed until Sunday morning.

 _The faster I get totally shitfaced, the better,_ he thinks as he takes the chocolate syrup out of the fridge and a bottle of peppermint Schnapps out of the booze cabinet. He squirts a hearty serving of syrup into his mouth, pours in about two shots worth of Schnapps, closes his mouth, then shakes his head vigorously before swallowing. It burns as it goes down, but the cold chocolate soothes his throat.

To Kakashi's dismay, every TV channel is mentioning this godforsaken excuse for a holiday. He gives himself another Peppermint Patty and turns off the TV, tossing the remote to the side and dragging his laptop onto his lap. Maybe watching videos about associahedra and the origins of the heat equation will help. Math is good and reliable because it doesn't kill itself right after your eighteenth birthday.

Fuck, there's an unskippable ad. Double fuck, it's guilt-tripping Kakashi for being a bad son and forgetting to buy his Dad a Father's Day gift. He closes his laptop and pushes it to the other end of the couch.

Kakashi pulls out his phone and texts Zabuza, realizing he might understand.

K: farthers day  
K: is an garbagee holday  
K: which i hate  
K: i feel asthiugh you may have similar optinons  
K: I'm already kina drubk but you can com get more drunk w me if you wnat

He tosses his phone somewhere onto the couch and takes another swig of Schnapps, forgoing the chocolate syrup this time. The sound of his text tone startles him and he ends up sloshing some of the booze onto his bare chest.

"Aw, shit..." Kakashi sits up, still holding the bottle in one hand, and rummages around for his phone with the other.

Z: i won't be getting drunk off my ass because unlike you some people actually have work tomorrow  
Z: but if you're offering ill take a beer or two  
K: you sure the kdis oaky w it  
Z: kid's out with friends doing who the fuck knows  
K: sweer il se eyou soon  
Z: god you're wasted  
K: u kno it bb ;)

Within a few minutes, the doorbell rings and Kakashi heaves himself off the couch to open the door, swaying slightly.

Zabuza pushes past him with a curt nod and heads straight for the fridge, looking for a cold beer, "You're such a lightweight, you haven't even halfway finished that bottle in your hand."

"Well, the mos' food I've had the pas' two days's been some p'nut butter," Kakashi slurs.

Zabuza slams the fridge door shut, two cans of beer in hand, and gives him an incredulous look, "Holy fucking shit, what's wrong with you? Aren't you hungry?"

Kakashi shakes his head and hiccups, "Hey, y'know what'd be fun? 'F you got on your knees and- fuck, where'd I put it?" He stumbles off and finds the chocolate syrup on the floor next to the couch.

"I refuse to give you a fucking blowjob when you're this trashed."

"No, s'not a beej. You never went to college, right?"

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?"

"Geddon your knees so I can pour this shit in your mouth," Kakashi grins, raising the chocolate syrup above Zabuza's head.

Zabuza puts a hand on Kakashi's chest, "Oh, hell no," then removes it, "You're all sticky. Did you fucking spill on yourself?"

"Maybe, but 'f you won' let me do you, you gotta do me," Kakashi holds out the syrup and booze, which Zabuza takes and places on the counter.

"No, you're already too wasted," he digs his keys out of his pocket, "Eat some bread or something."

Then, Zabuza shotguns both beers and tosses the crumpled cans in the trash.

Kakashi grumbles his complaints, taking a bag of pizza rolls out of the freezer and dumping about half of it onto a plate.

"You're disgusting," Zabuza looks on in abject horror as Kakashi microwaves his lunch.

"Says th' guy who lived on ins'ramen and fried spam."

"I never said I wasn't disgusting, just eat your hell food before you fucking pass out on me."

"R'lax, babe, 'm fine," Kakashi slides over to Zabuza, who is leaning against the counter, and kisses him clumsily on the lips.

Zabuza is about to start kissing him back, but then he realizes Kakashi has already stepped away. He had reached behind Zabuza and retrieved the bottle of Schnapps, which he takes another hearty swig of to the sound of the beeping microwave.

"You fuckin' used me."

"Look," Kakashi says as he carries the plate of steaming trash to the kitchen table and sets it down none too gently, "'M an adult 'n I'll pass a'fuck out 'f I wanna."

He shoves a handful of pizza rolls in his mouth, then frowns. The Schnapps left a strong peppermint aftertaste. Of course, the best plan of action is to pour chocolate sauce onto the pizza rolls. Somehow, Kakashi likes the taste much better now, and Zabuza watches these proceedings with a disappointed expression on his face.

"You're a disaster area. Fathers suck and all, but why are you getting this fucked up about it?"

Kakashi talks with his mouth full, chocolatey pizza sauce dripping down his chin, "B'cause he fuckin' left me all alone here!"

"Stop eating if you're gonna be nasty about it. So he's a deadbeat, then?"

"Tha's one way to puddit," Kakashi snorts and shoves the plate of pizza rolls away.

"I don't get what the big deal is. My old man was never around, 'n when the cigs finally caught up with him, I didn't go to his funeral."

"You're depressin' me, Zaza."

"You're depressing _me_. Why the fuck are you doing this?"

"M'dad was a piece of shit, 's why."

"We've been over that," Zabuza crosses his arms and leans against the counter, "But what the hell did he do? He didn't hit you, did he? Apparently you're not supposed to hit your kids, 's what Haku tells me. I mean, I got the belt and I think I did okay, but I dunno."

"No! No, fuck no, he was good t'me when he was 'live, but. Zaza, you ever c'nsider why I live here by m'self?"

"Dead parents. I mean, it's not that hard to figure out. Both my parents are dead, hell, selling their house 'n mosta the shit in it is why I could afford the one I've got now."

"Ye," Kakashi reaches for the bottle again, but Zabuza swipes it away, which he pouts about, "C'mon, man..."

"No. You're gonna give me a straight answer."

"Babe, 's if I cou'do anything s'raight in my life," Kakashi winks.

"God, fucking shut up," Zabuza massages his temples, "I don't...like seeing you like this, so you better tell me what's wrong."

Kakashi stands up and points an accusing finger at Zabuza, "Y'wanna know wha's wrong? My ma killed h'rself when I was two, 'n then, after I graduated high school, my dad fuckin'. Lyin' there onna floor!" His finger now points towards the master bedroom, and though he's trying to come off as angry, his voice wavers.

"So he slept through your graduation-"

"Slept?! Zaza he killed h'self! My graduatin' present was takin' care of a fuckin' dead body!" He's yelling, but there are tears streaming down his face.

"Oh," Zabuza says, because he doesn't know what else to say and he's not good with crying people, "I've taken care of dead bodies, before. They're heavier than you think."

"I fuckin' know that," Kakashi sits back down and buries his head in his hands.

Zabuza takes this opportunity to dump the Schnapps down the sink, which Kakashi whines about, and sit in the chair adjacent to him, which he doesn't.

"I'm...real fuckin' sorry," Zabuza rubs sweaty palms on his pants, quite out of his element. Haku is a little easier to care for, he just lets the kid crawl into his arms and cry himself out until he sleeps. Kakashi is uncharted territory.

"You 'n me both," he shifts slightly to lean on Zabuza and sighs deeply, "Can' believe I'm gettin' fucked up over this again, 's been eight years. I'm such a useless piece of shit..."

Zabuza is about to put an arm around Kakashi and comfort him, but Kakashi promptly stands up and staggers towards the sink, where he empties the contents of his stomach.

"Oh, hell," Zabuza leaps out of the chair to hold Kakashi's hair out of his face and rub his back as he retches. The mixture of chocolate, pizza rolls, peppermint, alcohol, and stomach acid smells worse than Satan's dog's asshole.

When Kakashi finally stops heaving and spitting in the sink, Zabuza turns on the faucet, keeping a hand on his back to steady him, "Think you can make it to the couch on your own?"

"Yeah, fuck... I swear I wasn' _that_ drunk," Kakashi makes his way over and sits down carefully.

"Kashi, I'd've thrown up eating the same damn shit," he says, filling a cup with cold water and scraping the rest of the food into the trash, gagging a little himself.

Zabuza brings the cup over, watches Kakashi sip at it, and sits on the floor in front of the couch, instructing him to lie down on his side.

Kakashi does as told, "Za... you said y'r parents hit you?"

"What of it? Lotta my friends' parents hit them. It's what happens, you fuck up, you get beat, you don't fuck up again."

"You don' hit Haku, though," Kakashi says softly.

"Of fucking course not!" Zabuza closes his eyes and leans his head against the couch, it's far too easy to imagine dear, sweet Haku with a bloody face, "He doesn't deserve it."

"No kid _d'serves_ to be hit, you damaged asshole."

"Nah, I was a holy terror, I'm pretty sure I had it coming to me," Zabuza laughs, as if he's not still completely terrified of his father, "We're supposed to be talking about your damn problems, anyways. At least I'm not the one drinking myself comatose on Father's Day."

"Shuddafuck up, I haven't passed out yet."

"You were going to, weren't you?"

Kakashi deliberately doesn't answer that question. They sit in silence for a while before he speaks up again, "Zaza?"

"What?" Zabuza says, none too gently.

"I'm not feelin' quite so wasted anymore. D'you think, maybe, you could drive me to the cemetery?"

"If you put some fucking clothes on, sure."

"I'm wearing-" Kakashi starts, but at the glare from Zabuza he tries again, "Okay, fine, I'll go change. Y'happy?"

"No, but I don't do happy."

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Za..."

Zabuza gets up off the floor, keys in hand, "Be ready to go in ten minutes, before I change my mind."

"Yeah, yeah," Kakashi heaves himself off the couch and goes to splash some water on his face.

Zabuza follows him back to his room to make sure he doesn't drunkenly fall and crack his head open on something, "When was the last time you showered?"

"Uh. Thursday night, I think," the thought crosses Kakashi's mind that he's not drunk enough for this anymore. He ignores it and puts on a fresh pair of underwear, jean cutoffs, and a tank top.

Zabuza grunts in approval at the fact that his boyfriend is finally dressed, "Fair, I haven't since Friday."

"We're disgusting."

"Good, you're finally catching on. Let's fucking get this over with."

* * *

The sun beats down and the bugs are out in droves as the two of them wander the cemetery.

"Maa, it's fucking hot, Zaza," Kakashi squints up at the sky.

Zabuza swats at another mosquito, "You're the one who wanted to come. I just drove us here. Are you sure we're close?"

"Yeah, it's one of the shitty, cheap plots. He was buried next to my ma, and neither of them were very extravagant."

"Good, this place gives me the creeps."

"Never thought I'd see the day when Momochi fucking Zabuza would admit to being scared."

"I'm not scared, dumbass, I just know not to fuck with spirits and shit."

Kakashi rolls his eyes and stops suddenly, letting Zabuza bump into him, "We're here."

He turns and looks at the two graves. The headstones are small, just names and dates, but they're considerably better cared for than the surrounding ones. No flowers or other gifts adorn them, though.

Zabuza glances between Kakashi and the graves, "You come here often?"

Kakashi laughs awkwardly, because that sounded kind of like a pickup line, "Yeah. When I can. When I'm thinking of them. It hurts to think about it, to feel like this, but I... I feel like I'd be a traitor if I let myself forget."

He kneels in front of the shared plot and closes his eyes, head bowed, mud from the recent storms cushioning his knees. Kakashi is not a religious man, but he hopes that in some way or another, his parents are aware he's here.

Zabuza picks at the dirt path with the toe of his shoe, unsure of cemetery etiquette. He doubts it's the same as Kiri Harbor etiquette.

Kakashi opens his eyes and looks back at Zabuza, "Come, I'd like them to meet you."

"Why? I'm a piece of shit, they'll probably sic some voodoo on my ass," but he finds himself kneeling next to Kakashi anyways.

"Ma, Pa? This is my boyfriend, Zabuza. He's the one who got me out here today, so be nice."

"Uh, hi? Your son's a mess. But so am I, I guess, so. Um," Zabuza gives Kakashi a look.

Kakashi snorts, "Yeah. I think...they'd have liked you."

"I seriously doubt that, but if Haku can like me, I s'pose anything's possible."

That earns him a small smile and the two of them kneel in silence for a few minutes, until they hear the low rumble of distant thunder. Kakashi thanks his parents and stands up, yanking Zabuza up with him.

"Bye, I'll be back soon, I promise," Kakashi whispers towards the graves.

The rain starts as they run the half mile or so back to the car, hand in hand, fresh mud splashing up their legs. Zabuza unlocks his pickup truck and he and Kakashi hurl themselves into it, slamming the doors shut.

Kakashi starts to laugh as Zabuza guns the engine and tears out of the parking lot.

"What's so fucking funny?"

"Wet T-shirt contest," Kakashi explains, peeling his drenched tank top away from his chest. He's still a little buzzed.

"Incredible. Well, now you _have_ to shower when I drop you back off. After the storm passes through."

"Ugh, fine. So do you, then."

"I don't have any clean clothes to change into, though," Zabuza scowls at the road through the windshield wipers, as if it was to blame for all of his woes.

"You can borrow some of mine, then, it's no big deal."

Zabuza turns onto Kakashi's street and into his driveway, where he abruptly stops the car and cuts the engine, "Fine. Doubt you can find something that'll fit me."

Kakashi waves a hand at that and hops out of the truck to input the passcode for the garage door. Zabuza follows after him, the two of them huddled under the short overhang while the door's mechanism creaks and the thunder creeps closer.

He pulls Zabuza into the laundry room and shuts the garage door as the worst of the storm hits, "Leave all your dirty crap in here, I don't want you tracking mud through the house. I'm gonna go shower."

"You're going to have to wait until the storm's over, though. Don't want you to get electrocuted."

Kakashi steeples his hands and sighs, "Zabuza. That's a myth. You can't get zapped if you shower during a thunderstorm."

"Why should I believe you?"

"I'm a physics major."

"The fuck does electricity have to do with physics?"

Kakashi runs a hand through his mop of wet hair and huffs in exasperation, "You know what? Just trust me on this one."

He kicks off his sandals, wipes off most of the mud on his legs with a paper towel, and peels off his sopping wet clothes, tossing them in the bucket sink. He pads towards the bathroom, speaking over his shoulder, "You wanna come make sure I don't slip and die?"

"Uh-huh," Zabuza replies as he wrestles out of his clothes, eyes glued to Kakashi's retreating ass.

It's another few seconds of muddy fabric clinging to him before he hears the shower turn on, "Wait for me, you fucking idiot!" he yells after Kakashi, nearly tripping over his own shorts as he runs down the hall.

Zabuza finds Kakashi sitting primly on the toilet seat, ankles crossed, "I am waiting, and very patiently, I might add."

"Alright, good," Zabuza stands in the door awkwardly for a little bit, "Well? You're wasting water, get in."

Kakashi gets up, pulls Zabuza into the shower with him, and pushes the glass shower door shut behind them, "There. Now you can catch me if I eat shit."

"No, yeah, I really wanted to be _in_ the shower to babysit you, instead of just watching from outside," Zabuza growls.

"Oh, Zaza, I didn't realize you were a voyeur," he croons as he reaches behind Zabuza for his washcloth.

"What?! No, I'm not, just stop fucking around and get clean already."

Kakashi pulls away to start lathering up his body, making a concerted attempt to _not_ look sensual. He keeps his eyes low, for the most part, but he can feel Zabuza's gaze on him. When he looks back up, he's surprised to see the naked concern on the other man's face, so Kakashi kisses him. It's soft and slow, spilling out the emotions neither of them are willing put to words.

"Thank you," Kakashi mumbles. If he's leaning on Zabuza, it isn't obvious.

"Uh. Yeah," Zabuza replies intelligently. He huffs out a breath and cautiously wraps his arms around Kakashi, letting the hot water wash over them both.


End file.
